I was reminded a few months back by Grimmy off of Radio 1 DJ ledgeness, that it was Fresher time. So, there I am driving toddlermonster to her swim lesson, my arm contorted in eye watering angles whilst I pass her various lunch offerings, I cast my mind back to 13 whole Septembers ago and vaguely recollected a ‘Month of Blur’ (not the band). My mind then jumped to the only other time that I have endured a Month of Blur: The newborn days.
I thought I might demonstrate how actually, being a Fresher is the exact same as being a new Muma… Just you wait, Girls, you’ll be amazed:
1.Being awake in the early hours, to the thud of the base, or the squeal of a non-latching newborn. Exact same thing.
2. Surviving on nothing but a packet of biscuits and a Twix ALL.DAY.
3.The suggestion that you left the house before lunchtime is met with hysterical laughter.
4. Jeremy Kyle is beginning to feel like an old friend, his gambling past, tragic ‘my brother used to…’ stories, and lie detector suspense has kept you faithful at 9.25am.
5. You make frequent trips to the Dr’s for complaints you never knew existed, in areas you really rather wish had been left alone.
6. Cheesy pasta is a treat; Hot food, cooked in a saucepan.
7. Awkward ‘making new friends’ moments. Eye contact, going in for the kill: the SU or baby massage class. Exact same thing.
8. Surviving on minimal casheesh, student loan v’s mat leave allowance. Its a close call. Toppers should definitely offer a maternity leave 10% discount, students are spoilt.
9. Learning a whole load of new stuff. Text books / baby manuals coming out of your ears.
10. New timetable. Except the one major difference here is that ‘FREE PERIOD’ does not feature in the Newborn version. Almost, the-exact-same-thing.
So there we have it, those Freshers aren’t going to feel so darn rocking cocking now are they…
Mumas, as always, nailing life.