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Starting back on Antidepressants

1
So I stopped taking my antidepressants…again! I was feeling great! I was the cheerleader for my own mental health and I thought I had told my anxiety to get lost and I felt like I was winning at life. And then, suddenly… I wasn’t winning any more.

I am very award of my mental states and I knew, I just knew, that I needed to get back on the drugs. It was going to be necessary, if I wanted to fight the anxious voices in my mind. This, understandably, was a crushing and frustrating decision at first, and for some it may be hard to deal with but

SelfishMother.com
2
for me, but its the same old story for me. I need them.

 

Self-awareness is something I have learnt in the last year, I can now closely monitor my moods and their triggers. I have learned to listen to my body and ultimately, my mind, and that’s has been a pretty amazing learning curve—sadly so many people aren’t willing to take that step, or to address how they feel even if it leading to them ending in some very scary places. I don’t want to go to those places any more.

 

This week has been a bit of a blur, a fuzzy daze of a

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3
week and I think I can blame my reintroduction to my medication for that.

 

I have now been back on them for just over a week and I have hit that blurry part, where all my nerve endings are starting to react and adjust to the new chemicals pulsing through my body. I hate this part.

I am numb and quiet. The drugs silencing my inner voice leaving me with not much thought. I am really not thinking about anything, anxiety is slowly losing its voice but in doing that, I also lose a little bit of me. I’m still aware of the feelings that

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are there but there’s a disconnect from them. Instead of the extreme highs and lows, there can be an element of flatlining and that’s what I find is most worrying.

 

The medication can take away some of me, some of the parts that I really like but if losing them means I don’t lose my head, it’s something I can live with. This is the biggest fear with taking antidepressants, the psychological effects, even though I am open to taking them and shameless, the first weeks are an emotion rollercoaster while things start to

SelfishMother.com
5
settle.

 

This time, something new, I got the shakes, my hands tremored slightly too quite noticeably. I often drop things, struggle to grip or spill endlessly due to my hands having a mind of their own. I often find myself having to pick things up as the object flies out my hands.

 

It can feel like the side effects are endless and can really put people off but I have decided that my mood is more important than these side effects. I can live with a shaky hand but cant cope with wanting to cry, scream and pretty much ”run” away

SelfishMother.com
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from it all.

I am not a failure and I don’t feel like one either, I have learnt that sometimes I need a little boost, some help to adjust to the harsh realities of the world around me.

 

It can be a wild ride in those beginning weeks, but at the end of around 3 – 4 weeks, I hope to see a more positive version of me. Of course antidepressants aren’t the be-all and end-all, but addressing the chemical imbalance in your brain is hugely important.

 

In some cases, drugs won’t be right for you, and it’s always a good idea

SelfishMother.com
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to go back to your GP if you’re worried.

Yes, they do the job but are they doing the best? What are my other options?

I head into this round with the aim that one day I can be drug-free once again but if that doesn’t happen, I am OK with it — my big focus is health and stability in my life, and I am completely open to the fact that a life on my antidepressants isn’t the end of the world.

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Mumforce

By

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Scottish parenting blogger

- 4 Mar 19

So I stopped taking my antidepressants…again! I was feeling great! I was the cheerleader for my own mental health and I thought I had told my anxiety to get lost and I felt like I was winning at life. And then, suddenly… I wasn’t winning any more.
I am very award of my mental states and I knew, I just knew, that I needed to get back on the drugs. It was going to be necessary, if I wanted to fight the anxious voices in my mind. This, understandably, was a crushing and frustrating decision at first, and for some it may be hard to deal with but for me, but its the same old story for me. I need them.
 
Self-awareness is something I have learnt in the last year, I can now closely monitor my moods and their triggers. I have learned to listen to my body and ultimately, my mind, and that’s has been a pretty amazing learning curve—sadly so many people aren’t willing to take that step, or to address how they feel even if it leading to them ending in some very scary places. I don’t want to go to those places any more.
 
This week has been a bit of a blur, a fuzzy daze of a week and I think I can blame my reintroduction to my medication for that.
 
I have now been back on them for just over a week and I have hit that blurry part, where all my nerve endings are starting to react and adjust to the new chemicals pulsing through my body. I hate this part.
I am numb and quiet. The drugs silencing my inner voice leaving me with not much thought. I am really not thinking about anything, anxiety is slowly losing its voice but in doing that, I also lose a little bit of me. I’m still aware of the feelings that are there but there’s a disconnect from them. Instead of the extreme highs and lows, there can be an element of flatlining and that’s what I find is most worrying.
 
The medication can take away some of me, some of the parts that I really like but if losing them means I don’t lose my head, it’s something I can live with. This is the biggest fear with taking antidepressants, the psychological effects, even though I am open to taking them and shameless, the first weeks are an emotion rollercoaster while things start to settle.
 
This time, something new, I got the shakes, my hands tremored slightly too quite noticeably. I often drop things, struggle to grip or spill endlessly due to my hands having a mind of their own. I often find myself having to pick things up as the object flies out my hands.
 
It can feel like the side effects are endless and can really put people off but I have decided that my mood is more important than these side effects. I can live with a shaky hand but cant cope with wanting to cry, scream and pretty much “run” away from it all.
I am not a failure and I don’t feel like one either, I have learnt that sometimes I need a little boost, some help to adjust to the harsh realities of the world around me.
 
It can be a wild ride in those beginning weeks, but at the end of around 3 – 4 weeks, I hope to see a more positive version of me. Of course antidepressants aren’t the be-all and end-all, but addressing the chemical imbalance in your brain is hugely important.
 
In some cases, drugs won’t be right for you, and it’s always a good idea to go back to your GP if you’re worried.
Yes, they do the job but are they doing the best? What are my other options?
I head into this round with the aim that one day I can be drug-free once again but if that doesn’t happen, I am OK with it — my big focus is health and stability in my life, and I am completely open to the fact that a life on my antidepressants isn’t the end of the world.

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Mumforce

Gail aka Mumforce, is a Scottish lifestyle / parenting blogger and a mum of two, based in Edinburgh. After giving birth to 2 little darlings Gail focussed some attention towards rediscovering/discovering herself. Being a daughter, sister, friend, wife and mother can take a lot out of the best of us. Whilst in amongst/ dealing with all the unpredictability’s in life it’s an easy thing to go into pilot mode/ forget to catch your breath and although bringing up another human being is arguably one of the most difficult challenges a human can be blessed with – “it can often be the case the we want more in respect to purpose, something that is just me”. Gail is open about her mental health and hopes that through writing, honestly about her experiences she can allow others to open up and no longer feel alone. As well as talking/writing about her struggles with mental health, Gail blogs about daily life, women’s rights and issues that some are afraid to address. Throw in a few family outing reviews, product reviews and mum fashion and we have a very mixed bag which truly represents the addictive randomness that is Mumforce. ​To begin with Gail found writing as a form of therapy and a hobby however through her literacy journey Gail’s lifelong pursuit of seeking acceptance has been redefined – “ I finally understood that it was self acceptance that was being sought and have since embraced every ounce of human emotion and solidified its presence through my words”. A unique character who we can all relate to who gives a fantastic reflection of the main battle we have in life, “the person staring back at me in the mirror”.

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