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Don’t compare

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Don’t scrutinise other baby bumps or notice size of thighs or arms; instead, look down and quietly celebrate the growing life inside of you.

As you push your beaten, battered buggy down the street, passing by a super-deluxe bugaroo, with matching parasol and blanket, be grateful that your pram can whizz through muddy puddles, without a care, delighting in the joy of splashing.

When your neighbour goes to fifteen baby groups per week and you’re feeling like a ‘bad mum’ stuck at home and moping in the house, take a pause and think about what

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matters. Perhaps you want a break from baby stuff? You might be cleaning out a cupboard or simply sitting on your comfy sofa, whilst your little one marvels at the sparkling lampshade overhead.

Be proud that you survived your baby’s birth – whatever this entailed. You have brought your baby into this world and that’s what counts. For every ‘successful birth’ with water-pool and dolphin music, there are another 25 that were utterly messy and imperfect, way off the birth-plan and thankfully in a distant hormone-fuelled, memory haze.

When

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supermum’s toddler starts baby-Latin, just let it go. Accept graciously that this may be her thing, and ask yourself, is it really yours too? If it’s not, then why are you even worrying?

At the school gates, don’t assume that other mums are sorted, happy and complete. They all have struggles too, and not so very different from yours. No-one is perfect, and some people just mask their worries better. A bit of vulnerability through open conversations soon reveals the truth. These also bond you and bring you closer, so forming allies rather than

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opponents.

When uber-mum strides past your window, fresh and vibrant in stylish jeans, don’t berate and criticise yourself or her. She’s acing the fashion bit, but she didn’t sleep last night either, and she’s worrying about her boy at school. Look a little closer and you would have noticed her worried face and agitation.

Comparing brings no winners. Mostly you’ll feel inferior or less than, because that’s what a comparing mindset does. Occasionally you will feel a little bit superior – but for what, and how fragile this is. We all

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have our strengths and weaknesses. Who’s to say what is better?

Decide what you value in your parenting. What matters to you? Value your unique perspective. You will share some ideals with others, you will have some differences. That’s okay. Don’t judge others. Learn to accept your own choices and make peace with these. Keep your eyes on your own horizon, pursue your own goals – then comparisons won’t get a look in.

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Harriet Frew

By

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- 17 Nov 18

Don’t scrutinise other baby bumps or notice size of thighs or arms; instead, look down and quietly celebrate the growing life inside of you.

As you push your beaten, battered buggy down the street, passing by a super-deluxe bugaroo, with matching parasol and blanket, be grateful that your pram can whizz through muddy puddles, without a care, delighting in the joy of splashing.

When your neighbour goes to fifteen baby groups per week and you’re feeling like a ‘bad mum’ stuck at home and moping in the house, take a pause and think about what matters. Perhaps you want a break from baby stuff? You might be cleaning out a cupboard or simply sitting on your comfy sofa, whilst your little one marvels at the sparkling lampshade overhead.

Be proud that you survived your baby’s birth – whatever this entailed. You have brought your baby into this world and that’s what counts. For every ‘successful birth’ with water-pool and dolphin music, there are another 25 that were utterly messy and imperfect, way off the birth-plan and thankfully in a distant hormone-fuelled, memory haze.

When supermum’s toddler starts baby-Latin, just let it go. Accept graciously that this may be her thing, and ask yourself, is it really yours too? If it’s not, then why are you even worrying?

At the school gates, don’t assume that other mums are sorted, happy and complete. They all have struggles too, and not so very different from yours. No-one is perfect, and some people just mask their worries better. A bit of vulnerability through open conversations soon reveals the truth. These also bond you and bring you closer, so forming allies rather than opponents.

When uber-mum strides past your window, fresh and vibrant in stylish jeans, don’t berate and criticise yourself or her. She’s acing the fashion bit, but she didn’t sleep last night either, and she’s worrying about her boy at school. Look a little closer and you would have noticed her worried face and agitation.

Comparing brings no winners. Mostly you’ll feel inferior or less than, because that’s what a comparing mindset does. Occasionally you will feel a little bit superior – but for what, and how fragile this is. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Who’s to say what is better?

Decide what you value in your parenting. What matters to you? Value your unique perspective. You will share some ideals with others, you will have some differences. That’s okay. Don’t judge others. Learn to accept your own choices and make peace with these. Keep your eyes on your own horizon, pursue your own goals – then comparisons won’t get a look in.

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Harriet Frew

I'm a Mum of three (one daughter and twin sons). I'm a therapist specialsing in eating disorders and body image; working for the Adult Eating Disorder Service at Addenbrookes Hospital, Cambridge and in private practice. I am passionate about supporting people to recover from eating disorders. I like to try my hand at ninja warrior training and parkour, when I have time!

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