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How Much Sex are we REALLY Having?

1
If you watch any Netflix show right now you’ll see happy couples all having rampant and interesting sex, the series’ YOU and Sex Education made me blush and I’m no prude!

Sex all over the house, at all times of the day and night.

Is this an actual depiction of real life, real relationships?

If it is, then I’m doing something REALLY wrong.

I’ve started feeling like a bit of a fridged old hag every time I watched another Netflix show with another couple having hugely satisfying, noisy experimental and regular sex, and so, I put the

SelfishMother.com
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question to a few of my girlfriends yesterday during our coffee date.

’Girls, how often are you all having sex?’

They all stared, looked at each other, looked uncomfortable and then looked back to me.

After around 5 mins of slightly awkward mumbling, the truth spilled out.

Out of the four of us, only one was having regular sex (twice a week as it turns out, I was in shock) out of the other three of us it had been months and months and months, so statistically, it’s Netflix that has it wrong, not us.

Sex and parenting is a tricky

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thing to navigate.

When the kids are little, you’re absolutely knackered and probably too touched out to even consider getting your sexy on, and when they’re older, while you have the renewed energy (and no toddlers starfishing in your bed), older kids stay up later than you, I now find myself laying in my bed listening to one teen screaming into his Xbox on the other side of the wall and another teen in the room above listening to music that is just quiet enough that I can’t hear the actual song but that still draws all my attention to it wishing

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she’d turn it the fuck off, that and the faint background chat I can just about make out while she Facetimes her mates, again is so distracting, I wanna get the goss so have one ear open at all times trying to hear the conversation.

Neither situation is inducive to sexy time, neither make me feel confident that A. they won’t hear us getting it on through the wall or the floor or B. they won’t barge in at any given time to ask why the WIFI has gone down. Couple that with the fact that whilst I watch TV in the bedroom from around 8 pm my husband

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stays up watching TV until fuck knows when, I sometimes lie awake wondering if he’s watching porn to make up for the lack of sex, I’ve been assured that he’s not but, ya know.

Why don’t we talk about this more?

Why are chats about real life sex still so taboo when it’s happening so blatantly on every poxy show making us all feel so damn inferior?

We need to open the conversation, to be honest about how much sex we’re having rather than buying into another show of make believe that leaves us feeling like we’re failing in the old sauce

SelfishMother.com
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department.

I guess the truth is that every relationship is different, that there are no set rules.  I should also spend less time watching other people having sex on TV while wondering if my relationship is doomed and spend more time chatting to my girlfriends about taboos so I can be assured that our occasional (read regular) dry spells are perfectly normal,  we’re parents in a long term relationship, it’s not all spooning and nipple tassels, mostly it’s survival and cups of lukewarm tea.

I hope your sex life is all that Netflix promises,

SelfishMother.com
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but it’s not, don’t sweat it, babe, from my little enlightenment at our girlie coffee it seems we’re the majority.
SelfishMother.com
Lauren Derrett

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- 5 Feb 19

If you watch any Netflix show right now you’ll see happy couples all having rampant and interesting sex, the series’ YOU and Sex Education made me blush and I’m no prude!

Sex all over the house, at all times of the day and night.

Is this an actual depiction of real life, real relationships?

If it is, then I’m doing something REALLY wrong.

I’ve started feeling like a bit of a fridged old hag every time I watched another Netflix show with another couple having hugely satisfying, noisy experimental and regular sex, and so, I put the question to a few of my girlfriends yesterday during our coffee date.

‘Girls, how often are you all having sex?’

They all stared, looked at each other, looked uncomfortable and then looked back to me.

After around 5 mins of slightly awkward mumbling, the truth spilled out.

Out of the four of us, only one was having regular sex (twice a week as it turns out, I was in shock) out of the other three of us it had been months and months and months, so statistically, it’s Netflix that has it wrong, not us.

Sex and parenting is a tricky thing to navigate.

When the kids are little, you’re absolutely knackered and probably too touched out to even consider getting your sexy on, and when they’re older, while you have the renewed energy (and no toddlers starfishing in your bed), older kids stay up later than you, I now find myself laying in my bed listening to one teen screaming into his Xbox on the other side of the wall and another teen in the room above listening to music that is just quiet enough that I can’t hear the actual song but that still draws all my attention to it wishing she’d turn it the fuck off, that and the faint background chat I can just about make out while she Facetimes her mates, again is so distracting, I wanna get the goss so have one ear open at all times trying to hear the conversation.

Neither situation is inducive to sexy time, neither make me feel confident that A. they won’t hear us getting it on through the wall or the floor or B. they won’t barge in at any given time to ask why the WIFI has gone down. Couple that with the fact that whilst I watch TV in the bedroom from around 8 pm my husband stays up watching TV until fuck knows when, I sometimes lie awake wondering if he’s watching porn to make up for the lack of sex, I’ve been assured that he’s not but, ya know.

Why don’t we talk about this more?

Why are chats about real life sex still so taboo when it’s happening so blatantly on every poxy show making us all feel so damn inferior?

We need to open the conversation, to be honest about how much sex we’re having rather than buying into another show of make believe that leaves us feeling like we’re failing in the old sauce department.

I guess the truth is that every relationship is different, that there are no set rules.  I should also spend less time watching other people having sex on TV while wondering if my relationship is doomed and spend more time chatting to my girlfriends about taboos so I can be assured that our occasional (read regular) dry spells are perfectly normal,  we’re parents in a long term relationship, it’s not all spooning and nipple tassels, mostly it’s survival and cups of lukewarm tea.

I hope your sex life is all that Netflix promises, but it’s not, don’t sweat it, babe, from my little enlightenment at our girlie coffee it seems we’re the majority.

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Lauren Derrett

I'm Lauren, mother of 4, founder of This Girl is Enough and Author of Filter Free - Real Life Stories of Real Life Women. Lover of the sisterhood, empowerer and connector of women.

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