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- 8 May 18

If you are reading this the chances are you are looking for advice on how to find your tribe. You might be feeling a bit lost, lonely, overwhelmed in the chaos that is motherhood and that’s ok, that’s normal. 

Scouring the internet for help and advice is a way of life. In fact I have no idea how the generations before us managed to raise their children without having access to all manner of uncertified or inaccurate health advice at their finger tips 24 hours a day. Green poo is still probably up there in my top google searches and my daughter turned 5 today. What really amazes me is the way we consume this advice and accept it as fact when really, more often than not,  it’s just a strangers opinion.

This brings me to probably the worst piece of advice I see given to new mums 

‘Find Your Tribe’

Really, really? This the advice we offer to women so tired they can’t find their own mouths when drinking much needed coffee? Find your tribe. I spent years searching for my tribe and you know what, I just don’t think it exists.

During my maternity leave I spent hours at baby groups too tired to make conversation with other women to tired to join in. I quickly realised that just because we had all recently given birth did not automatically bind us into some tribal community where we would stand tall and lift each other up in our darker hours. (I also learnt that inappropriate jokes about Rohypnol do not go down well at the baby weigh in clinic but that’s another story)

Where was this damn tribe and how was I supposed to find mine when I was going through the biggest transition in my life. I didn’t know who I was or what kind of mum I’d be at that point, and I’m pretty sure most of the other new mums felt the same, even the ones with perfect hair and make up with the babies that slept through.

I think it’s dangerous to set yet another task for a woman to undertake amongst the million and one things she needs to do and all at a time when even taking a shower feels impossible. How can she be expected to make new friends, not just friends but build a god damn tribe when she can’t even remember the last time she washed her hair?

I don’t think anyone needs to find their tribe. Take the time to find your way, your own way of doing things. The way that feels right for you and to hell with what anyone else thinks.

This isn’t the time to set off on a quest to find a new set of BFF’S it’s time to focus on you and your needs, take time to get to know yourself, adapt to this new way of life. It’s the most exhilarating, terrifying and spectacular journey you are on and I’m positive you’ll meet some pretty wonderful people who you’ll be proud to call friends on the way, just like I did.

P.S Don’t worry, the baby already found their tribe and that’s you.

 

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Lou Lockett

Mum of two, wife to one, friend to all. Hoping to share a bit of laughter in the face of the relentless task that is raising a family.

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