close
SM-Stamp-Join-1
  • Selfish Mother is a growing global community and we'd love you to join in. Our Club is FREE and it takes 1 minute to join! Once you join you'll be able to share posts and events immediately... why not get involved!

  • Your basic information

  • Your account information

View as: GRID LIST

Notes on a naughty boy

1
Your child comes home from school telling you about the boy in class who is always in trouble. He can’t sit down and he talks all the time.  Apparently he gets sent to the head teacher quite often too.  He runs off at playtime, gets upset really easily and get very angry when things go wrong. 

Sometimes you spot that child being carried into class kicking his mum, you try not to get eye contact because you don’t know what to say. What could be going on with that boy and that family?

You are praying that your child stays away from this boy,

SelfishMother.com
2
because I mean surely that type of behaviour rubs off and no-one wants their child behaving in this way.  

Playdate requests are cleverly steered away from by other parents, ”oh they are so tired after school, we aren’t really doing them at the moment.”

The mum of the naughty boy knows that this isn’t true because she sees all the kids heading off for playdates, and her son isn’t one of them.

”He’s busy isn’t he?” you say to the mum.  ”Never stops” she replies.

”You must be exhausted all the time.” someone else says to

SelfishMother.com
3
her.

The mum tries not to cry, she often walks home from school in tears on the really bad days.

The smallest thing may set him off into a meltdown.  Sometimes this presents itself as tears but more often than not its rage. 

Non-uniform day and in the boys eyes he has the wrong outfit, nothing mums says will make any difference.

Even he doesn’t know what he wants to wear but he’s feeling all squiggly inside and it makes him very anxious.  

This means screaming, shouting, running off and door slamming. He finds some things tricky and

SelfishMother.com
4
change is one of them.

Christmas and birthdays are tricky times.  The excitement levels are so high that anxiety on the countdown means serious meltdowns at various times of day, screaming and less sleep than normal.

The mum, flagged her son to the health visitor when he was three.  

”He’s different to his peers, nothing ”wrong with him” but his social communication is a little off piste.  

He is louder than the other kids at groups, slightly inappropriate with his jokes at times, he doesn’t seem to pick up on what’s social

SelfishMother.com
5
acceptable in certain situation.  Mum wants to flag it now so that she can understand what is going on and try to help him before he starts school in a few years.”

The health visitor laughs and says, ”he’s only three this is normal,” mum says ”this is different” but it falls on deaf ears.

Nursery start to flag him. They have no answers but always call the mum in about behavioural issues.

The mum visits the GP,  who says there’s nothing they can suggest, the health service is buckling.

Things will need to get really bad until he will

SelfishMother.com
6
be seen by anyone.

The mum doesn’t want to wait until things get really bad.

Sadly she has to.

She has to endure a 12 week parenting course to check that she isn’t doing anything wrong, even though she knows that it isn’t her.

She has to resign from her job because she needs to be on standby for phone calls from school and meetings with the head teacher.

Things get so bad that he is pulled out of lessons after getting upset and angry in class, because they are trying to make him sit down and read, yet he can’t read, it makes him so

SelfishMother.com
7
anxious that he occasionally screams.

The specialist who pops in to observe him for 20 minutes says that the boy knows exactly what he’s doing, treat him like the others.

He isn’t the same as the others and, when they don’t give him any allowances things go really wrong.

Fast forward four years, the mum is very tired, exhausted in fact.  

Finally she is heard.  The consultant sends out a communication expert to observe him for a whole morning.

”He’s a kind boy and funny too.   His behaviour is clearly not in his control and he

SelfishMother.com
8
should never be punished for these things. How sad to think that all these years parents and adults have labelled him as naughty.  He isn’t.”

The mum cries down the phone, finally she has been validated.  

At last, words written down in black and white to tell the world that her bright, funny, crazy dancing, inventor is not naughty.

Just as she knew, all this time he cannot help the way that he responds to situations and emotions that overwhelm him.  

In time, he will learn some tools to help him but for now he just needs to be enveloped

SelfishMother.com
9
in love and those around him need to pull him in and not push him away.

That kid in the class who appears to be naughty may well be, but perhaps he might not.

The naughty kid is my boy, the naughty kid is not naughty he is overwhelmed.

Think twice, the next time you see a naughty boy.

 

SelfishMother.com
Kate Peers

By

This blog was originally posted on SelfishMother.com - why not sign up & share what's on your mind, too?

Why not write for Selfish Mother, too? You can sign up for free and post immediately.


We regularly share posts on @SelfishMother Instagram and Facebook :)

- 24 Nov 18

Your child comes home from school telling you about the boy in class who is always in trouble. He can’t sit down and he talks all the time.  Apparently he gets sent to the head teacher quite often too.  He runs off at playtime, gets upset really easily and get very angry when things go wrong. 

Sometimes you spot that child being carried into class kicking his mum, you try not to get eye contact because you don’t know what to say. What could be going on with that boy and that family?

You are praying that your child stays away from this boy, because I mean surely that type of behaviour rubs off and no-one wants their child behaving in this way.  

Playdate requests are cleverly steered away from by other parents, “oh they are so tired after school, we aren’t really doing them at the moment.”

The mum of the naughty boy knows that this isn’t true because she sees all the kids heading off for playdates, and her son isn’t one of them.

“He’s busy isn’t he?” you say to the mum.  “Never stops” she replies.

“You must be exhausted all the time.” someone else says to her.

The mum tries not to cry, she often walks home from school in tears on the really bad days.

The smallest thing may set him off into a meltdown.  Sometimes this presents itself as tears but more often than not its rage. 

Non-uniform day and in the boys eyes he has the wrong outfit, nothing mums says will make any difference.

Even he doesn’t know what he wants to wear but he’s feeling all squiggly inside and it makes him very anxious.  

This means screaming, shouting, running off and door slamming. He finds some things tricky and change is one of them.

Christmas and birthdays are tricky times.  The excitement levels are so high that anxiety on the countdown means serious meltdowns at various times of day, screaming and less sleep than normal.

The mum, flagged her son to the health visitor when he was three.  

“He’s different to his peers, nothing “wrong with him” but his social communication is a little off piste.  

He is louder than the other kids at groups, slightly inappropriate with his jokes at times, he doesn’t seem to pick up on what’s social acceptable in certain situation.  Mum wants to flag it now so that she can understand what is going on and try to help him before he starts school in a few years.”

The health visitor laughs and says, “he’s only three this is normal,” mum says “this is different” but it falls on deaf ears.

Nursery start to flag him. They have no answers but always call the mum in about behavioural issues.

The mum visits the GP,  who says there’s nothing they can suggest, the health service is buckling.

Things will need to get really bad until he will be seen by anyone.

The mum doesn’t want to wait until things get really bad.

Sadly she has to.

She has to endure a 12 week parenting course to check that she isn’t doing anything wrong, even though she knows that it isn’t her.

She has to resign from her job because she needs to be on standby for phone calls from school and meetings with the head teacher.

Things get so bad that he is pulled out of lessons after getting upset and angry in class, because they are trying to make him sit down and read, yet he can’t read, it makes him so anxious that he occasionally screams.

The specialist who pops in to observe him for 20 minutes says that the boy knows exactly what he’s doing, treat him like the others.

He isn’t the same as the others and, when they don’t give him any allowances things go really wrong.

Fast forward four years, the mum is very tired, exhausted in fact.  

Finally she is heard.  The consultant sends out a communication expert to observe him for a whole morning.

“He’s a kind boy and funny too.   His behaviour is clearly not in his control and he should never be punished for these things. How sad to think that all these years parents and adults have labelled him as naughty.  He isn’t.”

The mum cries down the phone, finally she has been validated.  

At last, words written down in black and white to tell the world that her bright, funny, crazy dancing, inventor is not naughty.

Just as she knew, all this time he cannot help the way that he responds to situations and emotions that overwhelm him.  

In time, he will learn some tools to help him but for now he just needs to be enveloped in love and those around him need to pull him in and not push him away.

That kid in the class who appears to be naughty may well be, but perhaps he might not.

The naughty kid is my boy, the naughty kid is not naughty he is overwhelmed.

Think twice, the next time you see a naughty boy.

 

Did you enjoy this post? If so please support the writer: like, share and comment!


Why not join the SM CLUB, too? You can share posts & events immediately. It's free!

Kate Peers

Mum to three boys under nine. Writer, sea swimmer and social media manager.

Post Tags


Keep up to date with Selfish Mother — Sign up for our newsletter and follow us on social media