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Single, parenting and dating

1
Ahh, the world of dating. What a wonderfully exhilarating experience…said no one ever!

Dating is difficult business. Whether you’re swiping, typing or networking, dating can test the patience of any sane human being. The game playing, the teasing, the rules, the list of must haves, to text back or not to text back, the ghosting – it’s never ending!

Now try adding a child to that mix, well it just gets even more interesting (and that’s not interesting in a good way).

I’ve never believed that being a single parent means your life

SelfishMother.com
2
should stop or that your identity has to be completely squashed. A single parent should still be entitled to have fun and live life just like any other single person, as long as the balance between parenting and socialising is managed correctly. I’m not sure if the dating experience is the same for single dads however, speaking from the experience of a single mum, I’ve noticed that judging is rife in the dating game and there are a lot of misconceptions.

Now, the dating experience for me hasn’t all been bad of course, however like a

SelfishMother.com
3
nightmare trip to a hideous restaurant, it’s the bad that always gets focused on. So, here’s some of the more prominent bad eggs that I have come across in the single mum dating world, you’ll probably notice that some of these aren’t just exclusive to single mums!

The time waster – he’s the one that is slightly in awe of your status as a parent and wants to know all about your life and how you cope! When push comes to shove though he realises that actually “the dynamic is quite different when dating someone with a child” and

SelfishMother.com
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he just can’t quite handle it. He then makes his excuses and bows out. Fair enough.
The expert – he’s the one that wants to continue showering you with “advice” about how you should be raising your child, despite the fact that he has none of his own and is no closer to having any of his own than he is to making it to work on time everyday. He says things like “your child can’t be your best friend, you’re the parent, you mustn’t be friends with your child”. Can anyone say exit stage left?
The impromptu – he likes you, he
SelfishMother.com
5
wants to spend time with you, he understands and respects your life and commitments. Although, does he really? When the impromptu drops you a text at 7:30pm on a Thursday evening to ask you out for a last-minute drink or calls you on your lunch break to try to entice you out for dinner that evening, something tells me he doesn’t quite understand…
The Peter Pan – he sees you and your readily set up family life and he wants in! He believes it’s time he grew up, got serious and settled down. However, when push comes to shove, it
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turns out that actually he never wants to grow up. He wants out.
The ghost (AKA The coward) – ahhh the ghost. Now, whether you’re a single parent or just single in general, we’ve all had the pleasure of being acquainted with the ghost at some point in our dating journey. The ghost is an expert at disappearing without a trace when everything seems to be going well so you have no idea if he has been attacked by wolves or has simply dropped off the face of the earth!
The idealist– much like the time waster, this character is
SelfishMother.com
7
obsessed with everything about your single mum boss life (I mean, who wouldn’t be?). He is the one that is attracted to the fact that quite frankly, you’ve just got it going on. He loves the fact that you’re hard working, clever and super organised. He loves the days out, the idea of the mummy and daughter trips to the museum and the picnics in the park. However, that’s just it. He likes the idea. When it comes down to it though, the idealist is all talk and no action.

So, yes, dating as a single parent can be a bit of a hassle but the

SelfishMother.com
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unconditional love that I will always have from my little lady means that once the brief moment of disappointment (and sometimes disgust) passes, I can simply sit back, laugh and remember how lucky I am to have a little best friend in my life. I do believe I have the best of both worlds. I already have The One in the form of my daughter and I can always guarantee that she will love and cherish me forever, so it does sometimes make me wonder, does The One always have to be a romantic notion?
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Ifẹ Akintoye

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- 1 Feb 19

Ahh, the world of dating. What a wonderfully exhilarating experience…said no one ever!

Dating is difficult business. Whether you’re swiping, typing or networking, dating can test the patience of any sane human being. The game playing, the teasing, the rules, the list of must haves, to text back or not to text back, the ghosting – it’s never ending!

Now try adding a child to that mix, well it just gets even more interesting (and that’s not interesting in a good way).

I’ve never believed that being a single parent means your life should stop or that your identity has to be completely squashed. A single parent should still be entitled to have fun and live life just like any other single person, as long as the balance between parenting and socialising is managed correctly. I’m not sure if the dating experience is the same for single dads however, speaking from the experience of a single mum, I’ve noticed that judging is rife in the dating game and there are a lot of misconceptions.

Now, the dating experience for me hasn’t all been bad of course, however like a nightmare trip to a hideous restaurant, it’s the bad that always gets focused on. So, here’s some of the more prominent bad eggs that I have come across in the single mum dating world, you’ll probably notice that some of these aren’t just exclusive to single mums!

  • The time waster – he’s the one that is slightly in awe of your status as a parent and wants to know all about your life and how you cope! When push comes to shove though he realises that actually “the dynamic is quite different when dating someone with a child” and he just can’t quite handle it. He then makes his excuses and bows out. Fair enough.
  • The expert – he’s the one that wants to continue showering you with “advice” about how you should be raising your child, despite the fact that he has none of his own and is no closer to having any of his own than he is to making it to work on time everyday. He says things like “your child can’t be your best friend, you’re the parent, you mustn’t be friends with your child”. Can anyone say exit stage left?
  • The impromptu – he likes you, he wants to spend time with you, he understands and respects your life and commitments. Although, does he really? When the impromptu drops you a text at 7:30pm on a Thursday evening to ask you out for a last-minute drink or calls you on your lunch break to try to entice you out for dinner that evening, something tells me he doesn’t quite understand…
  • The Peter Pan – he sees you and your readily set up family life and he wants in! He believes it’s time he grew up, got serious and settled down. However, when push comes to shove, it turns out that actually he never wants to grow up. He wants out.
  • The ghost (AKA The coward) – ahhh the ghost. Now, whether you’re a single parent or just single in general, we’ve all had the pleasure of being acquainted with the ghost at some point in our dating journey. The ghost is an expert at disappearing without a trace when everything seems to be going well so you have no idea if he has been attacked by wolves or has simply dropped off the face of the earth!
  • The idealist– much like the time waster, this character is obsessed with everything about your single mum boss life (I mean, who wouldn’t be?). He is the one that is attracted to the fact that quite frankly, you’ve just got it going on. He loves the fact that you’re hard working, clever and super organised. He loves the days out, the idea of the mummy and daughter trips to the museum and the picnics in the park. However, that’s just it. He likes the idea. When it comes down to it though, the idealist is all talk and no action.

So, yes, dating as a single parent can be a bit of a hassle but the unconditional love that I will always have from my little lady means that once the brief moment of disappointment (and sometimes disgust) passes, I can simply sit back, laugh and remember how lucky I am to have a little best friend in my life. I do believe I have the best of both worlds. I already have The One in the form of my daughter and I can always guarantee that she will love and cherish me forever, so it does sometimes make me wonder, does The One always have to be a romantic notion?

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