I realise I’m straying from the usual Mummy Blogging type stuff here but bear with me. I know I should be writing about sleep deprivation, poo, and toddler meltdowns but I thought I’d go down a slightly different track today. I’ve noticed that folk in the ‘blogosphere’ seem to love a good list, or ‘listicle’ as I heard from one the other day, so I thought I’d do my own take on a list. To keep it vaguely in line with my brief I shall imagine that one day my daughter is reading the crap wise words I write and is embarking on relationships of the romantic kind (*cringe*). So let’s position this as a letter to my teenage daughter (she’s actually two and a half so this is also like one of those time capsule things), perfect material for a parent who blogs. So, a few pearls I’ve learned the hard way (please don’t judge!).
1. Don’t be with someone because there’s nothing better on offer
OK, this seems REALLY stupid even for me but at university I got stuck in a silly old rut with the same bloke on and off for the three years we were there. By the third year I’d actually got a bit sick of his general twattish-ness but wondered if it was a case of better the devil you know. There wasn’t anything better on offer (harsh but true) and when you’re oh so young and foolish and everyone else you know is hooked up you sort of wonder if you’re a bit of a freak for being sad and single. Well, I did anyway. Thank god for your thirties is all I can say, common sense and self worth are glimmering softly on the horizon.
2. Don’t choose a person purely because they’re different from the dick you were seeing before
Yes, my next choice after I’d ditched the uni bloke was a ‘sensible’ one. Absolutely nothing wrong with him but he really should have been just a good friend not a boyfriend. One mistake I made was not giving myself any time between fellas, decisions made on the rebound are usually flawed. I thought I was steering myself on the right path by going for someone who was the opposite of the one before, but sadly I missed the point that you’re actually meant to fancy them quite a lot too.
3. Don’t go out with someone because you’re afraid to be alone
Now, I don’t mean afraid to be alone in the same way as when I was at uni, no, I mean alone in life. After #2 ended I was in a new town, my first flat on my own, and the only peeps I knew were work colleagues. I was a bit vulnerable and ended up with the shocker that was #3. Suffice to say if I could go back and have a word with myself then I’d say “NOOOOO, DON’T DO IT!!”. Life is scary in the big wide world but that’s a thing to overcome on your own, and you’ll be all the better for it.
4. Don’t pursue the unattainable ones no matter how tempting
No I don’t mean married ones, that’s just naughty. I mean the so-called bad boys who just want to dick you around and make you feel like a sad, desperate loser. There’s actually really great guys out there who will give you all the stomach flips and excitement you’re after without any of the head ache inducing bullshit.
5. Don’t settle for second best
Before I met the hubster I was single for a couple of years and it was the best thing I ever did. I loved the freedom being unattached gave me, no need to check in with anyone, everything I did was my own decision, and I didn’t have to feel guilty for anything. Excuse the cliche but it was a period of total peace. I went on a few dates before I met ‘the one’, all perfectly fine but not enough to reel me in. Bottom line is, if you’re going to be with someone make sure they’re REALLY fucking great because there is absolutely no need to settle, your chosen one should enhance your life not bring you down.
Originally published on Sep 26, 2016