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Take baby steps…but to where?

1
I hear this phrase a lot…take baby steps. It goes alongside phrases such as “you can’t expect to get there straight away”, and “one thing at a time”, but these phrases just aren’t helpful! Now I know that we have to work hard at things,  but my problem is with the next bit. Where am I going to?!
When my dad died people would say kind words such as “take baby steps” … “you can’t
expect to get there straight away”, and again, when I had my first baby and when I started my business I had the same advice. But I felt anxious. I
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2
felt like I was in a big hole. How could I enjoy my new baby? How could I get excited about my new business? How could I allow myself to cry about my dad? With all of these situations I was surviving. I was functioning, but I couldn’t allow myself to feel my true emotions as I had to keep going on my baby steps to move forward…or was it sideways or backwards? I didn’t feel like I could just stand still and experience what was happening.
I felt like I had changed when my dad died, that I could never be the same person again, so
to be told “take
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3
baby steps” just didn’t work for me. Had I changed? Or was I still the same person? I hadn’t physically changed so what felt different? When I became a mother, I was still me, but I now had responsibility for someone else, I was treated differently by others, and all of my needs were secondary to the baby’s needs. I struggled, but I kept functioning. I kept taking baby steps.
What had changed was my purpose. The purpose of me being me was different. The value I could provide was different. As a mother, a business owner and as a daughter, all of
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4
these elements of me were different. How they were intertwined were more prominent, and how they linked together was more enhanced, but I didn’t feel like me anymore.
After each change in situation, I had lost sight of my purpose and without this understanding, my value was altered. Let me
explain. Say you have a picture that is a family heirloom. You love the picture for the fact that it is beautiful, but then you find out that the picture is actually worth a significant amount of money. Does it change how you view it? Lots of people will value it
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more because of its monetary value, but there are others that will value it just the same as the monetary value is irrelevant. How others expect you to view the picture may also have changed, but there is no right or wrong answer, we have to make an independent decision for our own self. We take the time to reassess and think about the purpose and value.

I knew that I felt different. I felt anxious as I didn’t know my purpose and value. When I became a mother my purpose was obvious, but my whole identity had changed as a result. When I became a

SelfishMother.com
6
business owner how did I make this work while also being a mother? When my dad died, where did my purpose fit within my family? What value can I bring to others?
This isn’t something that I can discover overnight. So I do need to take baby steps, but
initially the steps need to lead to me before they can lead onwards. Once I have understood my value and my purpose in the new contexts I will be able to live a life that fits for me, so that when I get to the
destination it will be amazing and I will be in a position to actually enjoy it and feel
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7
the
emotion that goes alongside it. I will have passion on my journey which will in turn lead to fulfilment and enjoyment. There will be ups and downs along the way, but by knowing my
purpose, my identify, I will make decisions that actually work for me, so I can live a life that I am proud of and enjoy.
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- 29 May 19

I hear this phrase a lot…take baby steps. It goes alongside phrases such as “you can’t expect to get there straight away”, and “one thing at a time”, but these phrases just aren’t helpful! Now I know that we have to work hard at things,  but my problem is with the next bit. Where am I going to?!
When my dad died people would say kind words such as “take baby steps” … “you can’t
expect to get there straight away”, and again, when I had my first baby and when I started my business I had the same advice. But I felt anxious. I felt like I was in a big hole. How could I enjoy my new baby? How could I get excited about my new business? How could I allow myself to cry about my dad? With all of these situations I was surviving. I was functioning, but I couldn’t allow myself to feel my true emotions as I had to keep going on my baby steps to move forward…or was it sideways or backwards? I didn’t feel like I could just stand still and experience what was happening.
I felt like I had changed when my dad died, that I could never be the same person again, so
to be told “take baby steps” just didn’t work for me. Had I changed? Or was I still the same person? I hadn’t physically changed so what felt different? When I became a mother, I was still me, but I now had responsibility for someone else, I was treated differently by others, and all of my needs were secondary to the baby’s needs. I struggled, but I kept functioning. I kept taking baby steps.
What had changed was my purpose. The purpose of me being me was different. The value I could provide was different. As a mother, a business owner and as a daughter, all of these elements of me were different. How they were intertwined were more prominent, and how they linked together was more enhanced, but I didn’t feel like me anymore.
After each change in situation, I had lost sight of my purpose and without this understanding, my value was altered. Let me
explain. Say you have a picture that is a family heirloom. You love the picture for the fact that it is beautiful, but then you find out that the picture is actually worth a significant amount of money. Does it change how you view it? Lots of people will value it more because of its monetary value, but there are others that will value it just the same as the monetary value is irrelevant. How others expect you to view the picture may also have changed, but there is no right or wrong answer, we have to make an independent decision for our own self. We take the time to reassess and think about the purpose and value.

I knew that I felt different. I felt anxious as I didn’t know my purpose and value. When I became a mother my purpose was obvious, but my whole identity had changed as a result. When I became a business owner how did I make this work while also being a mother? When my dad died, where did my purpose fit within my family? What value can I bring to others?
This isn’t something that I can discover overnight. So I do need to take baby steps, but
initially the steps need to lead to me before they can lead onwards. Once I have understood my value and my purpose in the new contexts I will be able to live a life that fits for me, so that when I get to the
destination it will be amazing and I will be in a position to actually enjoy it and feel the
emotion that goes alongside it. I will have passion on my journey which will in turn lead to fulfilment and enjoyment. There will be ups and downs along the way, but by knowing my
purpose, my identify, I will make decisions that actually work for me, so I can live a life that I am proud of and enjoy.

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