close
SM-Stamp-Join-1
  • Selfish Mother is the most brilliant blogging platform. Join here for free & you can post a blog within minutes. We don't edit or approve your words before they go live - it's up to you. And, with our cool new 'squares' design - you can share your blog to Instagram, too. What are you waiting for? Come join in! We can't wait to read what YOU have to say...

  • Your basic information

  • Your account information

View as: GRID LIST

Telling lies.

1
”It’s not you, it’s me.”

”I’ll only have another teensy glass of wine…”

”Oh, I’m sure it was next Friday? The letter said next Friday…”

”…I told you about it, last week; don’t you remembers?! Oh, you never listen to me!”

(and the age-old classic) ”What? Oh, this old thing? Nah, I’ve had it years…”

 

These are the little white lies we often tell, to cover up where we’ve made an – often, completely honest – error or sneaked a bargain (or an extra glass of wine that we really shouldn’t have said yes to) or

SelfishMother.com
2
something that is pretty harmless, or to avoid our own embarrassment. Even though our parents or carers told us time and again ”You must never tell lies” we all do it. Even you. Even me. Even them.

 

What lies do we encounter on a daily basis? Well, let’s see:

The camera lies: it adds on pounds that we have NOT put on. Definitely. (Can you imagine how celebs must feel?!)

The TV lies: it shows us sparkling kitchens, glorious family holidays, perfect weddings, everyone laughing at the jokes someone has just told.

The papers lie: I’m

SelfishMother.com
3
fairly sure you don’t need any elaboration on this one!

Diets lie and lie and LIE: ”eat this / don’t eat that and you will look like THIS!” Whether you eat it or don’t eat that, you will never look like THIS.

Weather forecasters lie… although I think they can be forgiven as here in good ol’ Blighty, it is [apparently] the hardest place to forecast the weather on the entire planet. Or so I’ve been led to believe.

Shops lie, ESPECIALLY women’s clothes shops: none of us ever look as good as the models do, regardless of size. Especially

SelfishMother.com
4
when it comes to leopard print. (Seriously; how DO people carry it off?!)

Politicians lie: seemingly, about everything.

 

So far, so good. Everyone lies. Everyone. But these lies are innocuous lies. These tiny little white lies, well they don’t really hurt anyone, do they? Yes, it might be a little (read: bloody) annoying when you take a size 10 into the changing room of River Island (which I am definitely not too old for*) and discover to your scorching-scarlet-faced shame that the dubious combination of Vaseline, a strongman and the

SelfishMother.com
5
determined application of a shoe-horn could not get you into said item of clothing, and even a size 16 would be a tight squeeze! It may even be a tad vexing to be caught in the mother of all down-pours, sans brolly, when the forecast read ”sunny, light breeze, 0% chance of precipitation”. Theses lies (politicians notwithstanding) don’t – in all seriousness – cause much harm. In all likelihood, they will at worst lighten your pockets, darken your mood and quite possibly bruise your ego (especially in River Island!) but they aren’t intended to cause
SelfishMother.com
6
lasting harm to anyone.

 

What about the real lies? The dark lies. The ones we tell because we cannot bear to utter the truth.

 

”No, it’s fine. He’ll calm down, he just gets a bit excited from time to time.”. He is always like this. It doesn’t get better. It’s hard, and it is soul-destroying.

”I’ll call you tomorrow, OK? I’m just a bit busy at the moment.” Can’t talk. Don’t want to.

”It’s OK, you go. I can’t find a babysitter anywhere! I’ll come along next time.” Socially excluded, but for what

SelfishMother.com
7
reason?

”I’m SO sorry I’m late! I promise it won’t happen again. The traffic was awful.” Despite there being no traffic issues today.

”Yeah, can you believe it? Walked into the door!” What, again?

”Oh no, I don’t drink every night! Probably only 3 times a week.” Hmmm.

(and the all-time classic) ”I’m fine!” Said with a bright, cheery smile that doesn’t quite meet the eyes.

 

How many have you been guilty of? From the top list, the little white lies, I reckon I’ve done 3 or 4… oh, OK, all 5 of them. The ’this old

SelfishMother.com
8
thing’ black dress for the party when I swore blind I’d already got something to wear, but the dress looked sooooo nice and just right on Asos. Definitely the ”It’s not you” line and not only once, either! As for ”I told you, remember?” my husband and I have admitted we both use this on a semi-regular basis, so does the teenager (although she thinks I don’t know). May have done the wine thing on one occasion. Ditto the missed appointment one. Not more than once each though, I swear! 😉

 

The dark lies?

Well, I don’t know about

SelfishMother.com
9
you, but I’ve definitely done the top one (although we have a daughter). It doesn’t get easier; it gets harder every time. I lied about it because I didn’t know what else to say and admitting the truth – that I felt like an utter failure as a parent – would have brought me to my knees.

I’ve also done the second one, whether it be because I didn’t want to make the time to speak to the person on the other end of the ’phone – for a variety of reasons – or because I just didn’t want to speak to them at all. Again, telling the truth here would’ve

SelfishMother.com
10
caused all sorts of problems and not just for me. So I opted to lie.

Third? I’ve opted not to go out when I’ve not wanted to but usually I’ve been completely honest about it, citing tiredness or diary-clashes as truthful reasons. I’m not sure I’ve lied in response to this one but I know people who have, for financial or family reasons that they are either to afraid to admit to themselves or too ashamed to admit to others.

Fourth: I’ve not done this one for work but may have fibbed a bit on other occasions as I am a dreadful time-keeper when

SelfishMother.com
11
it comes to my social life. I do know others who’ve done it and the reasons are usually much, much bigger than ”I overslept”. One reason was as huge as ”I’m having chemo and I don’t want anyone to know.”

Fifth: thank goodness, never! I reckon most of us have heard it from someone, though.

Sixth: Umm. Actually I don’t drink every night (and I promise that is true) but I have done so in the past. Never to excess. But I have lied about it in the past.

And the seventh? As in the scene with Emma Thompson in ”Love Actually”. ”Fine” with a

SelfishMother.com
12
capital F. Thinking about it, I’m not sure I’ve ever known anyone NOT use this lie at some stage in their lives!

 

Why mention lies? Why go on about it? Well, the reason for asking is that often a person – your fellow man –  is quite literally crying out for a leaning-post of support, a” truth-station” if you will. Lies hide a multitude of sins: that mum or dad in the playground with the naughty or screaming child? Desperate for a break; unlikely to get one. A sympathetic squeeze of the arm and an ”you ok there? Can I help in any way?”

SelfishMother.com
13
may not make a huge amount of difference to them but may help them to feel less alone, less isolated. Stating to a friend that they are NOT fine – as my cousin once remarked, it is spelled FIIN and stands for F***ked If I kNow – may make the difference between them choosing to repeat steps 2, 3 4, 5 and 6! Even chatting with a work colleague, being that support post, may make a huge difference to their lives. And if you are the fibber, then find someone – ANYONE – to talk to. Tell the truth (from under a blanket, if needs be) and get it out there. The
SelfishMother.com
14
cathartic difference it will make to your life has to be felt to be believed!

SO: the very next time you find yourself telling a teensy little fib – for whatever reason – ask yourself why. Weigh up what telling the truth would result in. Feel the fear and do it anyway! Or if you spot a possible fibber… be their friend and ask ’em why.

(*see? Lying to myself! I am DEFINITELY too old for River Island *sigh*)

 

 

 

 

 

SelfishMother.com
Avatar

By

This blog was originally posted on SelfishMother.com - why not sign up & share what's on your mind, too?

Why not write for Selfish Mother, too? You can sign up for free and post immediately.


We regularly share posts on @SelfishMother Instagram and Facebook :)

- 6 Jan 19

“It’s not you, it’s me.”

“I’ll only have another teensy glass of wine…”

“Oh, I’m sure it was next Friday? The letter said next Friday…”

“…I told you about it, last week; don’t you remembers?! Oh, you never listen to me!”

(and the age-old classic) “What? Oh, this old thing? Nah, I’ve had it years…”

 

These are the little white lies we often tell, to cover up where we’ve made an – often, completely honest – error or sneaked a bargain (or an extra glass of wine that we really shouldn’t have said yes to) or something that is pretty harmless, or to avoid our own embarrassment. Even though our parents or carers told us time and again “You must never tell lies” we all do it. Even you. Even me. Even them.

 

What lies do we encounter on a daily basis? Well, let’s see:

The camera lies: it adds on pounds that we have NOT put on. Definitely. (Can you imagine how celebs must feel?!)

The TV lies: it shows us sparkling kitchens, glorious family holidays, perfect weddings, everyone laughing at the jokes someone has just told.

The papers lie: I’m fairly sure you don’t need any elaboration on this one!

Diets lie and lie and LIE: “eat this / don’t eat that and you will look like THIS!” Whether you eat it or don’t eat that, you will never look like THIS.

Weather forecasters lie… although I think they can be forgiven as here in good ol’ Blighty, it is [apparently] the hardest place to forecast the weather on the entire planet. Or so I’ve been led to believe.

Shops lie, ESPECIALLY women’s clothes shops: none of us ever look as good as the models do, regardless of size. Especially when it comes to leopard print. (Seriously; how DO people carry it off?!)

Politicians lie: seemingly, about everything.

 

So far, so good. Everyone lies. Everyone. But these lies are innocuous lies. These tiny little white lies, well they don’t really hurt anyone, do they? Yes, it might be a little (read: bloody) annoying when you take a size 10 into the changing room of River Island (which I am definitely not too old for*) and discover to your scorching-scarlet-faced shame that the dubious combination of Vaseline, a strongman and the determined application of a shoe-horn could not get you into said item of clothing, and even a size 16 would be a tight squeeze! It may even be a tad vexing to be caught in the mother of all down-pours, sans brolly, when the forecast read “sunny, light breeze, 0% chance of precipitation”. Theses lies (politicians notwithstanding) don’t – in all seriousness – cause much harm. In all likelihood, they will at worst lighten your pockets, darken your mood and quite possibly bruise your ego (especially in River Island!) but they aren’t intended to cause lasting harm to anyone.

 

What about the real lies? The dark lies. The ones we tell because we cannot bear to utter the truth.

 

“No, it’s fine. He’ll calm down, he just gets a bit excited from time to time.”. He is always like this. It doesn’t get better. It’s hard, and it is soul-destroying.

“I’ll call you tomorrow, OK? I’m just a bit busy at the moment.” Can’t talk. Don’t want to.

“It’s OK, you go. I can’t find a babysitter anywhere! I’ll come along next time.” Socially excluded, but for what reason?

“I’m SO sorry I’m late! I promise it won’t happen again. The traffic was awful.” Despite there being no traffic issues today.

“Yeah, can you believe it? Walked into the door!” What, again?

“Oh no, I don’t drink every night! Probably only 3 times a week.” Hmmm.

(and the all-time classic) “I’m fine!” Said with a bright, cheery smile that doesn’t quite meet the eyes.

 

How many have you been guilty of? From the top list, the little white lies, I reckon I’ve done 3 or 4… oh, OK, all 5 of them. The ‘this old thing’ black dress for the party when I swore blind I’d already got something to wear, but the dress looked sooooo nice and just right on Asos. Definitely the “It’s not you” line and not only once, either! As for “I told you, remember?” my husband and I have admitted we both use this on a semi-regular basis, so does the teenager (although she thinks I don’t know). May have done the wine thing on one occasion. Ditto the missed appointment one. Not more than once each though, I swear! 😉

 

The dark lies?

Well, I don’t know about you, but I’ve definitely done the top one (although we have a daughter). It doesn’t get easier; it gets harder every time. I lied about it because I didn’t know what else to say and admitting the truth – that I felt like an utter failure as a parent – would have brought me to my knees.

I’ve also done the second one, whether it be because I didn’t want to make the time to speak to the person on the other end of the ‘phone – for a variety of reasons – or because I just didn’t want to speak to them at all. Again, telling the truth here would’ve caused all sorts of problems and not just for me. So I opted to lie.

Third? I’ve opted not to go out when I’ve not wanted to but usually I’ve been completely honest about it, citing tiredness or diary-clashes as truthful reasons. I’m not sure I’ve lied in response to this one but I know people who have, for financial or family reasons that they are either to afraid to admit to themselves or too ashamed to admit to others.

Fourth: I’ve not done this one for work but may have fibbed a bit on other occasions as I am a dreadful time-keeper when it comes to my social life. I do know others who’ve done it and the reasons are usually much, much bigger than “I overslept”. One reason was as huge as “I’m having chemo and I don’t want anyone to know.”

Fifth: thank goodness, never! I reckon most of us have heard it from someone, though.

Sixth: Umm. Actually I don’t drink every night (and I promise that is true) but I have done so in the past. Never to excess. But I have lied about it in the past.

And the seventh? As in the scene with Emma Thompson in “Love Actually”. “Fine” with a capital F. Thinking about it, I’m not sure I’ve ever known anyone NOT use this lie at some stage in their lives!

 

Why mention lies? Why go on about it? Well, the reason for asking is that often a person – your fellow man –  is quite literally crying out for a leaning-post of support, a” truth-station” if you will. Lies hide a multitude of sins: that mum or dad in the playground with the naughty or screaming child? Desperate for a break; unlikely to get one. A sympathetic squeeze of the arm and an “you ok there? Can I help in any way?” may not make a huge amount of difference to them but may help them to feel less alone, less isolated. Stating to a friend that they are NOT fine – as my cousin once remarked, it is spelled FIIN and stands for F***ked If I kNow – may make the difference between them choosing to repeat steps 2, 3 4, 5 and 6! Even chatting with a work colleague, being that support post, may make a huge difference to their lives. And if you are the fibber, then find someone – ANYONE – to talk to. Tell the truth (from under a blanket, if needs be) and get it out there. The cathartic difference it will make to your life has to be felt to be believed!

SO: the very next time you find yourself telling a teensy little fib – for whatever reason – ask yourself why. Weigh up what telling the truth would result in. Feel the fear and do it anyway! Or if you spot a possible fibber… be their friend and ask ’em why.

(*see? Lying to myself! I am DEFINITELY too old for River Island *sigh*)

 

 

 

 

 

Did you enjoy this post? If so please support the writer: like, share and comment!


Why not join the SM CLUB, too? You can share posts & events immediately. It's free!

Post Tags


Keep up to date with Selfish Mother — Sign up for our newsletter and follow us on social media