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View as: GRID LIST

The new F word

1
I’m talking about FAT.

Today a letter dropped on the mat from the NHS Children’s Health Services team, it said my daughter’s BMI indicates she is overweight and that overweight children are more likely to become overweight adults.

So WTF am I supposed to do with that?

BMI is a construct. I know a lot of people in fitness reject it’s value as a measure. But it’s a label she has now.

She’s 4.

She runs, she plays, she is active, she swims.

She has school meals (which FYI always come with pudding), she eats fruit, she largely rejects

SelfishMother.com
2
vegetables but I persevere (mostly), she eats limited fried food and yes she has sweets but not loads and did I mention she’s 4?

Now I know if I discuss this with friends and family they are likely to say don’t worry, there’s nothing wrong – and they would probably be right. I’d say the same to someone else.

But it’s not someone else it’s my baby and I want to do the best I can for her so I owe it to her to at least explore it right?

I’m pretty sure she’s perfect as she is.

So am I projecting my issues? I’ve always been

SelfishMother.com
3
overweight at best, obese mainly according to the charts.

For better or worse, I remember an awkward trip to the doctors where Mum had him explain doing more exercise and eating less, he even drew a diagram. I could still draw it now. I know she was doing what she thought was right and I am not knocking her but I felt awful. I was embarrassed. I felt like I was letting her down.

The letter recommends I do similar and discuss my daughter’s weight with my GP. I won’t do that.

I may have already planted the negative ideas though. Last year I

SelfishMother.com
4
went to a slimming club that was affectionately referred to as ’fat club’ at home. We talked about mummy’s big tummy. We talked about progress. We talked about Mummy doing it to be healthier. She came with me the night I reached target to see the certificate presentation. I thought I was doing a good thing showing her these things were possible. Now though I worry it’s opened a can of worms. People I admire in insta land and in real life talk about not mentioning the f word in front of their kids and I kinda wish I’d gone down that route up
SelfishMother.com
5
front.

But this parenting thing is a minefield as always and whatever I do I will always question and I will always feel mum-guilty for something – I’m pretty sure that’s implanted right next to the embryo and stays with you forever. It’s not always a bad thing though, that nagging voice that says ’could you have done that better?’ sometimes I think ’yea fair enough’ and try harder, others I think ’jog on, this shit is hard enough’. I’m learning to trust my instincts more and to be confident in them.

But what should I do about this here?

SelfishMother.com
6
How do I raise a body confident kid?

My own experience tells me not to let her grow up seeing me worry about it.

To teach her healthy tools and balance.

To not hear me praise weight loss or ’slimness’.

To see me exercise regularly.

To talk to her about wellbeing.

To teach her to love herself.

And to hope that in a world with initiatives like @i_weigh and people I admire like @bryonygordon and @helenwearsasize18 out in the world it is the body positive movements that become the norm and not f*cking facetune and air brushing.

To

SelfishMother.com
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know to teach her to be body positive and healthy I have to become this first.

TO REALISE TO DO THOSE THINGS I HAVE TO GIVE MYSELF AN F*ING BREAK AND A LITTLE LOVE.

Challenge accepted.

 

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- 1 Mar 19

I’m talking about FAT.

Today a letter dropped on the mat from the NHS Children’s Health Services team, it said my daughter’s BMI indicates she is overweight and that overweight children are more likely to become overweight adults.

So WTF am I supposed to do with that?

BMI is a construct. I know a lot of people in fitness reject it’s value as a measure. But it’s a label she has now.

She’s 4.

She runs, she plays, she is active, she swims.

She has school meals (which FYI always come with pudding), she eats fruit, she largely rejects vegetables but I persevere (mostly), she eats limited fried food and yes she has sweets but not loads and did I mention she’s 4?

Now I know if I discuss this with friends and family they are likely to say don’t worry, there’s nothing wrong – and they would probably be right. I’d say the same to someone else.

But it’s not someone else it’s my baby and I want to do the best I can for her so I owe it to her to at least explore it right?

I’m pretty sure she’s perfect as she is.

So am I projecting my issues? I’ve always been overweight at best, obese mainly according to the charts.

For better or worse, I remember an awkward trip to the doctors where Mum had him explain doing more exercise and eating less, he even drew a diagram. I could still draw it now. I know she was doing what she thought was right and I am not knocking her but I felt awful. I was embarrassed. I felt like I was letting her down.

The letter recommends I do similar and discuss my daughter’s weight with my GP. I won’t do that.

I may have already planted the negative ideas though. Last year I went to a slimming club that was affectionately referred to as ‘fat club’ at home. We talked about mummy’s big tummy. We talked about progress. We talked about Mummy doing it to be healthier. She came with me the night I reached target to see the certificate presentation. I thought I was doing a good thing showing her these things were possible. Now though I worry it’s opened a can of worms. People I admire in insta land and in real life talk about not mentioning the f word in front of their kids and I kinda wish I’d gone down that route up front.

But this parenting thing is a minefield as always and whatever I do I will always question and I will always feel mum-guilty for something – I’m pretty sure that’s implanted right next to the embryo and stays with you forever. It’s not always a bad thing though, that nagging voice that says ‘could you have done that better?’ sometimes I think ‘yea fair enough’ and try harder, others I think ‘jog on, this shit is hard enough’. I’m learning to trust my instincts more and to be confident in them.

But what should I do about this here? How do I raise a body confident kid?

My own experience tells me not to let her grow up seeing me worry about it.

To teach her healthy tools and balance.

To not hear me praise weight loss or ‘slimness’.

To see me exercise regularly.

To talk to her about wellbeing.

To teach her to love herself.

And to hope that in a world with initiatives like @i_weigh and people I admire like @bryonygordon and @helenwearsasize18 out in the world it is the body positive movements that become the norm and not f*cking facetune and air brushing.

To know to teach her to be body positive and healthy I have to become this first.

TO REALISE TO DO THOSE THINGS I HAVE TO GIVE MYSELF AN F*ING BREAK AND A LITTLE LOVE.

Challenge accepted.

 

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I am 36, a teacher's wife and full time working mum to 2; my daughter Lily is 4 (a junior sass master) and my son Freddie is 2 (charming between tantrums). I work in ICT projects and lead on all things data. I struggle with self doubt (I prefer self evaluation) and am looking for how to live my best life combining wellbeing, self-care and healthy living (the ratio of kale and yoga to gin and Netflix).

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