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The Stork and I: A community for solo mums

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I’ve spent the last 10 years struggling with the challenges of modern dating. I’m 39 and since the break down of a long term relationship in my late twenties, have been highly unsuccessful in meeting a partner to settle down with. Despite numerous dates that didn’t work out and the feeling of much rejection, I always managed to dust myself off and plough on in the hope that I would finally meet a great match for me.

I haven’t got many really awful dating stories, just a long line of dates where the attraction was not reciprocated one way or

SelfishMother.com
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the other. Then there are the stories where the attraction was mutual but our long term intentions did not match. I wanted marriage and kids while they were happy with a non-committal fling.

I started to worry about my fertility in my mid 30s and it definitely impacted me when I was dating as it was constantly on my mind and I felt a pressure to meet someone before I ran out of time to have a baby. Finally, at the age of 37, having been unable to find a suitable partner, I decided to go for it on my own as I worried that if I didn’t, the opportunity

SelfishMother.com
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may be taken away from me based on the fact that biology waits for no-one.

Before I made the decision to embark on this journey of becoming a mum on my own using donor sperm, I struggled with a long period of shame. I worried what others would think of me. I felt embarrassed that I had ‘failed’ at meeting someone and I kept on thinking that my ideal partner must be just around the corner, so maybe I should just give it a bit longer.

It took me 3 years of serious thinking to make the final decision. It wasn’t something I went into lightly by

SelfishMother.com
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any means. At the end of the day I would have waited if it wasn’t for my age and my worry about my fertility. I decided that if I waited any longer, my age may mean that it was no longer possible for me to have children by the time I did actually meet the right partner.

Since having my daughter, who is now 6 months old, the one thing I have found the hardest is a lack of a community of others in the same situation. I have a great mum network and my social life during the week is awesome, but they are all married or have a partner living with them.

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I hadn’t come across anyone in the same situation as me all throughout my pregnancy.   

It is for this reason that I’ve created The Stork and I. It’s a space for single women who are considering becoming solo mums, are on the journey, or have already done it and are trying to thrive. It includes a closed Facebook Group for discussion and advice as well as 1:2:1 coaching (I’m a qualified life coach)

It’s a totally international community with women from all over the world. It’s incredible how many women have contacted me to say they

SelfishMother.com
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are in the same position and are finding comfort in connecting with others. It is a way of normalising the situation for people.

Now that I’ve met all these other amazing women in the same situation as me I feel so supported and part of a much larger community. It no longer seems like something only I am embarking upon.  

The Stork and I has recently been created and we are steadily growing with new members. It’s so important to connect with others in similar circumstances to support each other, especially where there is no partner involved

SelfishMother.com
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who might typically play this support role. As more people join the community we will be getting experts involved to share information and dispel some common myths. This way the members can feel properly educated and have a safe space to ask questions.

For more information follow The Stork and I on Instagram, Facebook or sign up to the Mum Tribe Facebook Group. You can also keep up to date in The Stork and I Blog. 

 

Featured image by NC Hopes Photography

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Mel Johnson

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- 17 Aug 18

I’ve spent the last 10 years struggling with the challenges of modern dating. I’m 39 and since the break down of a long term relationship in my late twenties, have been highly unsuccessful in meeting a partner to settle down with. Despite numerous dates that didn’t work out and the feeling of much rejection, I always managed to dust myself off and plough on in the hope that I would finally meet a great match for me.

I haven’t got many really awful dating stories, just a long line of dates where the attraction was not reciprocated one way or the other. Then there are the stories where the attraction was mutual but our long term intentions did not match. I wanted marriage and kids while they were happy with a non-committal fling.

I started to worry about my fertility in my mid 30s and it definitely impacted me when I was dating as it was constantly on my mind and I felt a pressure to meet someone before I ran out of time to have a baby. Finally, at the age of 37, having been unable to find a suitable partner, I decided to go for it on my own as I worried that if I didn’t, the opportunity may be taken away from me based on the fact that biology waits for no-one.

Before I made the decision to embark on this journey of becoming a mum on my own using donor sperm, I struggled with a long period of shame. I worried what others would think of me. I felt embarrassed that I had ‘failed’ at meeting someone and I kept on thinking that my ideal partner must be just around the corner, so maybe I should just give it a bit longer.

It took me 3 years of serious thinking to make the final decision. It wasn’t something I went into lightly by any means. At the end of the day I would have waited if it wasn’t for my age and my worry about my fertility. I decided that if I waited any longer, my age may mean that it was no longer possible for me to have children by the time I did actually meet the right partner.

Since having my daughter, who is now 6 months old, the one thing I have found the hardest is a lack of a community of others in the same situation. I have a great mum network and my social life during the week is awesome, but they are all married or have a partner living with them. I hadn’t come across anyone in the same situation as me all throughout my pregnancy.   

It is for this reason that I’ve created The Stork and I. It’s a space for single women who are considering becoming solo mums, are on the journey, or have already done it and are trying to thrive. It includes a closed Facebook Group for discussion and advice as well as 1:2:1 coaching (I’m a qualified life coach)

It’s a totally international community with women from all over the world. It’s incredible how many women have contacted me to say they are in the same position and are finding comfort in connecting with others. It is a way of normalising the situation for people.

Now that I’ve met all these other amazing women in the same situation as me I feel so supported and part of a much larger community. It no longer seems like something only I am embarking upon.  

The Stork and I has recently been created and we are steadily growing with new members. It’s so important to connect with others in similar circumstances to support each other, especially where there is no partner involved who might typically play this support role. As more people join the community we will be getting experts involved to share information and dispel some common myths. This way the members can feel properly educated and have a safe space to ask questions.

For more information follow The Stork and I on Instagram, Facebook or sign up to the Mum Tribe Facebook Group. You can also keep up to date in The Stork and I Blog

 

Featured image by NC Hopes Photography

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Mel Johnson

Following her own journey to solo motherhood, Mel has created the Stork and I to support other women in similar circumstances, who want to start a family, but have no partner to do it with.

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