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The Total Bitch That is Mothers Guilt

1
I’ve been parenting for 20 and 1/2 years (yes the 1/2 counts, it was a long 6 months)

I’ve seen many ‘parenting’ trends come and go, many ‘experts’ sell their shitty emotion tugging books to vulnerable mums who just need an answer, why is their baby not sleeping, why does their toddler bite, why is their 5 year old still wetting the bed?

And with each parenting ‘phase’ came a new set of conflicting, generic bullshit lists of ‘how to’s’

20 and 1/2 years ago when I had my first son, there were fewer books, fewer rules, less

SelfishMother.com
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research, less judgement, less enforced perfectionism, mothering was ‘easier’ we had more fun and less guilt

Then I had my last 4 and 1/2 years ago (yep it still counts) and it’s parenting on steroids.

It’s fucking up all what parenting can be, it’s sucking out all the fun, it’s making us question our every fucking move and then condemn ourselves for getting it wrong. In short it’s smashing the living shit out what we should be relying on more heavily that some book that pretends it has all the answers, it’s killing off mothers

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instinct, our basic in built parenting sat nav.

Parenting in this generation is tougher than I could have ever predicted some 20 years ago. It’s now so fragile that there’s people making a living promising to help our children feed, sleep, behave, apparently there’s a specialist for everything, if you have the cash!

Every single child is a unique being on this over sterile, over researched planet that we live on, there is not one book on Foyles bookshelves that has ever known my child so it can not tell me what is best for that

SelfishMother.com
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child.

I’ve lived with so much ‘mothers guilt’ over the years, I’ve tied myself in a million different knots, and then I learnt something that rings out in my ears now every single day of my parenting life.

I ask myself the simple question “did you intend to piss off your child?” (it’s an every day occurrence when you have 4 kids, never a day without pissing one of them off)

And then when I reply to my dumb ass question with “of course not” then I am free to drop the guilt. Guilt is only in our make up so that we don’t cause

SelfishMother.com
5
intentional hurt to another. It is overused and incorrectly applied when you are talking about a mother who is just doing her best by her kids.

I give you the permission to stop punishing yourself for parenting YOUR kids the best way you can, even if it doesn’t suit your kids or any judgey fuckers who may be sneering your way!

Mama, listen to your instincts and know that you’re doing a fantastic job (even if they scream about how much they hate you and are leaving home to live with Jonny’s mum because she doesn’t drink wine with

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breakfast)

That guilt has no place here. Free yourself from the bastard guilt

All the love mama

Lauren xx

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Lauren Derrett

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- 14 Jan 17

I’ve been parenting for 20 and 1/2 years (yes the 1/2 counts, it was a long 6 months)

I’ve seen many ‘parenting’ trends come and go, many ‘experts’ sell their shitty emotion tugging books to vulnerable mums who just need an answer, why is their baby not sleeping, why does their toddler bite, why is their 5 year old still wetting the bed?

And with each parenting ‘phase’ came a new set of conflicting, generic bullshit lists of ‘how to’s’

20 and 1/2 years ago when I had my first son, there were fewer books, fewer rules, less research, less judgement, less enforced perfectionism, mothering was ‘easier’ we had more fun and less guilt

Then I had my last 4 and 1/2 years ago (yep it still counts) and it’s parenting on steroids.

It’s fucking up all what parenting can be, it’s sucking out all the fun, it’s making us question our every fucking move and then condemn ourselves for getting it wrong. In short it’s smashing the living shit out what we should be relying on more heavily that some book that pretends it has all the answers, it’s killing off mothers instinct, our basic in built parenting sat nav.

Parenting in this generation is tougher than I could have ever predicted some 20 years ago. It’s now so fragile that there’s people making a living promising to help our children feed, sleep, behave, apparently there’s a specialist for everything, if you have the cash!

Every single child is a unique being on this over sterile, over researched planet that we live on, there is not one book on Foyles bookshelves that has ever known my child so it can not tell me what is best for that child.

I’ve lived with so much ‘mothers guilt’ over the years, I’ve tied myself in a million different knots, and then I learnt something that rings out in my ears now every single day of my parenting life.

I ask myself the simple question “did you intend to piss off your child?” (it’s an every day occurrence when you have 4 kids, never a day without pissing one of them off)

And then when I reply to my dumb ass question with “of course not” then I am free to drop the guilt. Guilt is only in our make up so that we don’t cause intentional hurt to another. It is overused and incorrectly applied when you are talking about a mother who is just doing her best by her kids.

I give you the permission to stop punishing yourself for parenting YOUR kids the best way you can, even if it doesn’t suit your kids or any judgey fuckers who may be sneering your way!

Mama, listen to your instincts and know that you’re doing a fantastic job (even if they scream about how much they hate you and are leaving home to live with Jonny’s mum because she doesn’t drink wine with breakfast)

That guilt has no place here. Free yourself from the bastard guilt

All the love mama

Lauren xx

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Lauren Derrett

I'm Lauren, mother of 4, founder of This Girl is Enough and Author of Filter Free - Real Life Stories of Real Life Women. Lover of the sisterhood, empowerer and connector of women.

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