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To The Abused Woman

1
Key statistics about domestic abuse in England and Wales  

Each year nearly 2 million people in the UK suffer some form of domestic abuse – 1.3 million female victims (8.2% of the population) and 600,000 male victims (4%)  – Savelives.org.uk

These statistics mean that you, or someone that you know is living with domestic/coercive abuse, be it emotional or physical.

This letter is for you/her.

Dear Sister,

I SEE you. I HEAR you. I TRUST you. I BELIEVE you. I WAS you.

I won’t insult you with sympathy, you don’t need anyone’s

SelfishMother.com
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sympathy, I know that you still have your pride.

I won’t pretend that we’ve experienced the same abuse, or that one type of abuse is more damaging than another, each woman will each carry their experience through their own life lense, there is no place for judgment here.

And while our experiences may differ, I’m pretty sure that our emotions match.

If you feel exhausted from carrying the secrets and shame – I felt it too

If you feel resigned to the fact that the physical and emotional pain will never end – I felt it too

If you feel

SelfishMother.com
3
that nobody will believe you, instead, only judge you, or label you’battered wife’ ’victim’ – I felt it too

If you feel that you don’t fit the stereotype, so can’t even identify it as domestic abuse – I felt it too

If you feel that this is just how your life will always be, so you resign yourself to it being so – I felt it too

If you feel that somehow you provoked the abuse, justifying the punishment – I felt it too

If you feel that your abuser does love you really, but was just drunk/angry/stressed – I felt it too

If you feel that

SelfishMother.com
4
you are the only woman that is going through this and that you are totally isolated from normality – I felt it too

If you feel that if you just keep your head down they might not lash out and you can get some peace – I felt it too

If you feel that you can’t share your secrets with anyone for fear of judgment or repercussions – I felt it too

If you feel that the police wouldn’t do anything so what’s the point – I felt it too

If you feel that at least if the kids don’t get brought into it you can carry on, you will withstand anything to

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5
keep the family together and your kids safe – I felt it too

If you feel that you can get away with a rollneck in the summer to cover the bruises – I felt it too

If you feel that saying the words out loud,  will turn your world upside down with no promise of escape – I felt it too

If you feel you you’re trapped and there’s no way out – I felt it too

Darling girl, no matter how you feel right now, you are NOT alone.

Everything you are feeling is justified.

If you feel you are weak, take a look at all that you’ve endured.

My darling

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all the evidence proves that you are STRONG, ox STRONG.

This does NOT have to be your story, but, you’re going to need to dig deep. You must believe me when I say that your life is NOT meant to be this and that you are capable of creating a new one.

Please know that there can be life after abuse, a good life, a life where you’re free to say how you feel, to wear what you choose, to make new friends without needing permission, to walk tall, to BE YOU and to feel safe in your own home.

Take the first step, reach out, there are so many other

SelfishMother.com
7
women waiting to take your hand.

National Domestic – 24 hour helpline – 0808 2000 247

Women’s Aid – 24 hour helpline 0808 2000 247

SelfishMother.com
Lauren Derrett

By

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- 8 Jan 19

Key statistics about domestic abuse in England and Wales  

  • Each year nearly 2 million people in the UK suffer some form of domestic abuse – 1.3 million female victims (8.2% of the population) and 600,000 male victims (4%)  – Savelives.org.uk

These statistics mean that you, or someone that you know is living with domestic/coercive abuse, be it emotional or physical.

This letter is for you/her.

Dear Sister,

I SEE you. I HEAR you. I TRUST you. I BELIEVE you. I WAS you.

I won’t insult you with sympathy, you don’t need anyone’s sympathy, I know that you still have your pride.

I won’t pretend that we’ve experienced the same abuse, or that one type of abuse is more damaging than another, each woman will each carry their experience through their own life lense, there is no place for judgment here.

And while our experiences may differ, I’m pretty sure that our emotions match.

If you feel exhausted from carrying the secrets and shame – I felt it too

If you feel resigned to the fact that the physical and emotional pain will never end – I felt it too

If you feel that nobody will believe you, instead, only judge you, or label you‘battered wife’ ‘victim’ – I felt it too

If you feel that you don’t fit the stereotype, so can’t even identify it as domestic abuse – I felt it too

If you feel that this is just how your life will always be, so you resign yourself to it being so – I felt it too

If you feel that somehow you provoked the abuse, justifying the punishment – I felt it too

If you feel that your abuser does love you really, but was just drunk/angry/stressed – I felt it too

If you feel that you are the only woman that is going through this and that you are totally isolated from normality – I felt it too

If you feel that if you just keep your head down they might not lash out and you can get some peace – I felt it too

If you feel that you can’t share your secrets with anyone for fear of judgment or repercussions – I felt it too

If you feel that the police wouldn’t do anything so what’s the point – I felt it too

If you feel that at least if the kids don’t get brought into it you can carry on, you will withstand anything to keep the family together and your kids safe – I felt it too

If you feel that you can get away with a rollneck in the summer to cover the bruises – I felt it too

If you feel that saying the words out loud,  will turn your world upside down with no promise of escape – I felt it too

If you feel you you’re trapped and there’s no way out – I felt it too

Darling girl, no matter how you feel right now, you are NOT alone.

Everything you are feeling is justified.

If you feel you are weak, take a look at all that you’ve endured.

My darling all the evidence proves that you are STRONG, ox STRONG.

This does NOT have to be your story, but, you’re going to need to dig deep. You must believe me when I say that your life is NOT meant to be this and that you are capable of creating a new one.

Please know that there can be life after abuse, a good life, a life where you’re free to say how you feel, to wear what you choose, to make new friends without needing permission, to walk tall, to BE YOU and to feel safe in your own home.

Take the first step, reach out, there are so many other women waiting to take your hand.

National Domestic – 24 hour helpline – 0808 2000 247

Women’s Aid – 24 hour helpline 0808 2000 247

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Lauren Derrett

I'm Lauren, mother of 4, founder of This Girl is Enough and Author of Filter Free - Real Life Stories of Real Life Women. Lover of the sisterhood, empowerer and connector of women.

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