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View as: GRID LIST

Two under two diaries – All the rules that I’ve broken

1
The pre-kids Alex was inadvertently a bit judgemental about the things I’d do with my imaginary children, little I knew I’d be mincing my words one by one. With my real kids, well let’s say I’ve broken a few handfuls of rules (that is several multiples of 5 btw is not a typo) I had set for my parenting journey, the list below is just 5 of them but there are plenty more from where those came from. In truth when there was just the one (baby M), I had a pretty good track record but when little L came into the equation, I cave in to so many things
SelfishMother.com
2
that I realised I was setting a bar still a little too high for us as parents; some rules broken are a contract with yourself to keep your sanity at sometimes the most desperate times. In no particular order:

The all dreaded screen time – My husband and I were very clear on this one and the right amount to us was nil. However, we have introduced 3 programs to M which we are happy for her to watch every now and then under our supervision (one of them is Planet earth as she loves animals and we hope Sir David’s soothing voice might have a similar

SelfishMother.com
3
effect on her, the others are the all not too bad cbeebies). We let her watch on very desperate moments and try to make it interactive and get her to talk about what’s going on rather than just staring for hours. But still this rule is water under the bridge; whether screen time has a positive, neutral or negative effect on their development is still a very debatable topic but there seem to be studies that are proving some positive or at least neutral effects, and as technology is part of every day life now seems a bit to fully ban it when let’s face
SelfishMother.com
4
it, my husband and I have our phones on us most of the time
Eat your veggies first – we started our weaning journey so positively, baby M would love all kinds of veggies, specially broccoli, and would prefer them to fruits and meats which we knew she can always develop a taste for later on. However, somewhere along the way when baby L was born, she started being picky about what she eats and how. I guess is a normal journey for every toddler but there are times, specially when she is poorly with one of the many bugs she invites home from nursery, that
SelfishMother.com
5
we have given into all sorts. Cereal at breakfast was initially a no go for us (porridge and eggs were preferable options) but now we see it as a versatile food which can be eaten as any meal, how things change huh? There are times we are so over ourselves that my husband and I look at each other and say as long as she gets something down her tummy we are happy and we just swallow the guilt (gulp!)
Buggers – yeah buggers or mucus whatever you call them aren’t nice at any age, but guess what? kids have them all the time specially if they attend
SelfishMother.com
6
playgroups or nursery. I used to think kids who are running with trickling mucus or a big bugger on their noses probably had parents who might not be too keen on personal hygiene haha How wrong I was! Of course, I had never tried cleaning the nose of a toddler myself before, and is a bloody battle they just wont let you touch their sacred noses; we’ve made up words for cleaning her nose, refer to cute animals and even play the old trick: look how your baby sister loooves cleaning her nose but none of them have really worked, though sometimes she cleans
SelfishMother.com
7
it herself in any surface she pleases mostly daddy and mommy’s shoulders, sounds familiar? So generally my toddler walks around with a not so clean nose, and that is ok because we save the environment as we use less wipes and we keep our child happy just for a little longer 
Co-sleeping or how they steal your bed – this is a tough one because I didn’t know much about safe co-sleeping before baby M was born so we decided it wasn’t for us. But again, we crossed this one off the list as soon as we realised we’d sleep more if I put baby in our
SelfishMother.com
8
bed and plugged her to the boob overnight. The trouble now that there are two, is that we have had to accommodate for when my toddler decides to join the party at 3 am, the right combination is (from right to left): husband, baby M usually kicking him and head butting or sweating on me (none are nice), next is Me but a good few inches lower lying on my right hand side so that I can feed and protect baby L from any toddler kicks. And at the end preventing baby L from falling from the bed is a cute side cot which has barely been used (soon to be sold on
SelfishMother.com
9
the always profitable second hand market!)
Every day showers, self care & me time: I swore on deities I don’t normally believe in that I will always always: shower in the morning every single day, would not wear yoga pants as a daily uniform, use mascara before heading out (and maybe a dash of blush if I looked too s**t) and go out for a walk every day. While some of these things may look like unnecessary pressure, it was hard to think I could live without them and keep my sanity. However, it can be so hectic and tiring at times that after
SelfishMother.com
10
sleeping a couple of miserable hour for a few nights in a row, a shower isn’t really a priority that day, sleep is!Make up? Is a nice to do (if you are into it) but sometimes getting out of the house in that window of opportunity when both kids are about to doze off is more important and what about wearing gym clothes? This can actually be your best friend, to start you don’t have to think about what to wear (steve jobs and the turtleneck kind of a habit) and a good few months after birth I cant possibly fit in my old jeans (well maybe I could if i
SelfishMother.com
11
did that trick where you lie in bed and force the zip up but I am none the wiser on that kind of tortures). All that to say that while I continue working on getting at least 6hr sleep per night, can squeeze some me time into my day and I am fully back to my social life and I get some form of pre-kids body back I will be a little kind and not beat myself up for just trying to be comfy and make it through the days.

But to be completely honest, it has taken me a second child to be ok with breaking these ‘rules’ which in the end are only unrealistic

SelfishMother.com
12
expectations of how the journey is meant to be. For some, there will be other different ‘unbreakable’ rules but in the end you have to do whatever works for you, as in parenting like no one is watching because in reality no one is and if they do and don’t agree, well take comfort those people aren’t looking after your child 24/7 and have no say. 

I am in bed at 7.30 pm and both girls are with me, they are asleep and is priceless to watch them be so unbelievably amazing. Yeah, it would be great if they could self settle and sleep on their own

SelfishMother.com
13
(this is another rule broken btw) but all 15 year olds sleep on their own beds, don’t they? I will enjoy times like this while I can, never minding all else…
SelfishMother.com
Alexandra Rojas

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- 28 Dec 18

The pre-kids Alex was inadvertently a bit judgemental about the things I’d do with my imaginary children, little I knew I’d be mincing my words one by one. With my real kids, well let’s say I’ve broken a few handfuls of rules (that is several multiples of 5 btw is not a typo) I had set for my parenting journey, the list below is just 5 of them but there are plenty more from where those came from. In truth when there was just the one (baby M), I had a pretty good track record but when little L came into the equation, I cave in to so many things that I realised I was setting a bar still a little too high for us as parents; some rules broken are a contract with yourself to keep your sanity at sometimes the most desperate times. In no particular order:

  1. The all dreaded screen time – My husband and I were very clear on this one and the right amount to us was nil. However, we have introduced 3 programs to M which we are happy for her to watch every now and then under our supervision (one of them is Planet earth as she loves animals and we hope Sir David’s soothing voice might have a similar effect on her, the others are the all not too bad cbeebies). We let her watch on very desperate moments and try to make it interactive and get her to talk about what’s going on rather than just staring for hours. But still this rule is water under the bridge; whether screen time has a positive, neutral or negative effect on their development is still a very debatable topic but there seem to be studies that are proving some positive or at least neutral effects, and as technology is part of every day life now seems a bit to fully ban it when let’s face it, my husband and I have our phones on us most of the time
  2. Eat your veggies first – we started our weaning journey so positively, baby M would love all kinds of veggies, specially broccoli, and would prefer them to fruits and meats which we knew she can always develop a taste for later on. However, somewhere along the way when baby L was born, she started being picky about what she eats and how. I guess is a normal journey for every toddler but there are times, specially when she is poorly with one of the many bugs she invites home from nursery, that we have given into all sorts. Cereal at breakfast was initially a no go for us (porridge and eggs were preferable options) but now we see it as a versatile food which can be eaten as any meal, how things change huh? There are times we are so over ourselves that my husband and I look at each other and say as long as she gets something down her tummy we are happy and we just swallow the guilt (gulp!)
  3. Buggers – yeah buggers or mucus whatever you call them aren’t nice at any age, but guess what? kids have them all the time specially if they attend playgroups or nursery. I used to think kids who are running with trickling mucus or a big bugger on their noses probably had parents who might not be too keen on personal hygiene haha How wrong I was! Of course, I had never tried cleaning the nose of a toddler myself before, and is a bloody battle they just wont let you touch their sacred noses; we’ve made up words for cleaning her nose, refer to cute animals and even play the old trick: look how your baby sister loooves cleaning her nose but none of them have really worked, though sometimes she cleans it herself in any surface she pleases mostly daddy and mommy’s shoulders, sounds familiar? So generally my toddler walks around with a not so clean nose, and that is ok because we save the environment as we use less wipes and we keep our child happy just for a little longer 
  4. Co-sleeping or how they steal your bed – this is a tough one because I didn’t know much about safe co-sleeping before baby M was born so we decided it wasn’t for us. But again, we crossed this one off the list as soon as we realised we’d sleep more if I put baby in our bed and plugged her to the boob overnight. The trouble now that there are two, is that we have had to accommodate for when my toddler decides to join the party at 3 am, the right combination is (from right to left): husband, baby M usually kicking him and head butting or sweating on me (none are nice), next is Me but a good few inches lower lying on my right hand side so that I can feed and protect baby L from any toddler kicks. And at the end preventing baby L from falling from the bed is a cute side cot which has barely been used (soon to be sold on the always profitable second hand market!)
  5. Every day showers, self care & me time: I swore on deities I don’t normally believe in that I will always always: shower in the morning every single day, would not wear yoga pants as a daily uniform, use mascara before heading out (and maybe a dash of blush if I looked too s**t) and go out for a walk every day. While some of these things may look like unnecessary pressure, it was hard to think I could live without them and keep my sanity. However, it can be so hectic and tiring at times that after sleeping a couple of miserable hour for a few nights in a row, a shower isn’t really a priority that day, sleep is!Make up? Is a nice to do (if you are into it) but sometimes getting out of the house in that window of opportunity when both kids are about to doze off is more important and what about wearing gym clothes? This can actually be your best friend, to start you don’t have to think about what to wear (steve jobs and the turtleneck kind of a habit) and a good few months after birth I cant possibly fit in my old jeans (well maybe I could if i did that trick where you lie in bed and force the zip up but I am none the wiser on that kind of tortures). All that to say that while I continue working on getting at least 6hr sleep per night, can squeeze some me time into my day and I am fully back to my social life and I get some form of pre-kids body back I will be a little kind and not beat myself up for just trying to be comfy and make it through the days.

But to be completely honest, it has taken me a second child to be ok with breaking these ‘rules’ which in the end are only unrealistic expectations of how the journey is meant to be. For some, there will be other different ‘unbreakable’ rules but in the end you have to do whatever works for you, as in parenting like no one is watching because in reality no one is and if they do and don’t agree, well take comfort those people aren’t looking after your child 24/7 and have no say. 

I am in bed at 7.30 pm and both girls are with me, they are asleep and is priceless to watch them be so unbelievably amazing. Yeah, it would be great if they could self settle and sleep on their own (this is another rule broken btw) but all 15 year olds sleep on their own beds, don’t they? I will enjoy times like this while I can, never minding all else…

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