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We need to look after our girls.
As a few of my closest friends will know, I have really
Now I am feeling well again, I can look back and see how poorly I really was, and I have since looked in to birth trauma a little more. Reading about how mothers who have experienced horrific birth trauma often struggle on their little ones birthdays, due to the overwhelming pressure to feel happy and elated, when all you feel is sad. And that was just how I felt; I had this sinking feeling of sadness and panic when
So what can we do to help ourselves, and in doing so look after our sons
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We really do. I have been thinking about it a lot recently, about the world our children will be growing up in. We need to take care of our daughters, our sisters, our mothers. We need to empower them and make sure they know they are safe and can be whoever they want to be. We need to take delight and celebrate when they blossom in to incredible women. We need to celebrate others successes, instead of comparing their strengths to our weaknesses. We are all light and dark in different ways.
As a few of my closest friends will know, I have really struggled mentally the past few months. It started in October, and like a bad smell spread in to every part of my life. I think anxiety and depression never really leaves you, you just learn to manage it better and learn more about yourself along the way. For me, it started just before Jack’s second birthday, when I had a panic attack in the car. My mind was racing about everything I needed to do, things I needed to buy, whether we had bought Jack enough which twisted and turned in to irrational thoughts like ‘am I being enough for him’, ‘he deserves better’, and ‘I’m a shit Mum’. This all happened within a few minutes of thinking about what to buy for his party.
Now I am feeling well again, I can look back and see how poorly I really was, and I have since looked in to birth trauma a little more. Reading about how mothers who have experienced horrific birth trauma often struggle on their little ones birthdays, due to the overwhelming pressure to feel happy and elated, when all you feel is sad. And that was just how I felt; I had this sinking feeling of sadness and panic when Jack turned two, of time that I had lost and also of the time of his birth when I felt so broken. In hindsight, maybe the manic party wasn’t the greatest idea, but you learn. So this year I have a plan – we will not be having a party, and not because his birthday isn’t something to rejoice and celebrate, of course it is. But as the previous two years have shown, I struggle and hide away whenever Winter hits. Instead, we will be going away for two nights to take Jack to Alton Towers on his actual birthday. I think he will love it!
I’ve been thinking about what we leave behind as well, and how we tend to focus on things that do not matter. As a woman, I know that we feel a tremendous amount of pressure to be good enough, to be the perfect parent, to excel and to nail a great job whilst driving a car you can’t afford. Scrolling the mindless Instagram posts, analysing the world of some ‘famous’ influencer and wishing their life was yours. Why do we idolise idiots? I am truly frightened by what is expected of me from society. We are supposed to be everything. Mother, daughter, best friend, wife, lover, carer, listener, fucking carpet cleaner, full time worker, part time worker, stay at home mum, cooker, personal shopper, admin assistant, life organiser. It is all too much. My mother’s generation had it easier. Back then, you married, had children, and then the father would go to work whilst the mother stayed at home for a few years. Today, I know of so many women who are forced to go back to work because they simply cannot afford to pay their mortgage.
So what can we do to help ourselves, and in doing so look after our sons and daughters? We can take the pressure off a little bit, step away from social media, turn your notifications off and unwind. Leave your phone at home (try it, it’s actually quite liberating), visit places you have never been before with your child, show them the wonder of the world. Get outside and explore, play with your children, breathe in the fresh air, laugh with them and more importantly have fun. Enjoy the simple things in life, for they are the most beautiful.