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What I want his ex-wife to know

1
There’re things I told her, but don’t tell her often enough. Things I didn’t want to admit, or I’m scared to say. There are things she should know, and I want to tell her soon.

I don’t hate you (I may did a little in past, but it had nothing to do with you).
I took your side so many times (with him, family or friends), you have no idea.
I was jealous of your past together so much it was driving me crazy.
I cried so many times because of “you” (you never done anything but I had so much BS in my head).
I’ve been helping him

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to understand you.
I’ve never tried to replace you as a mum.
I respect you and how you handle being a single mum.
Sometimes I’m scared to say or do something because it may upset you.
I want you to be truly happy and find the love of your life.
I put myself into your shoes all the time (and push him to do the same).
I don’t parent your daughter I’m a part of co-parenting.
You must be so strong!
I wish things were not so awkward.
I’m worried about how I’ll feel about your daughter when I’ll have my own child.
Do
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you want to go for a drink?

One extra thing

Being a step-mum is a crazy and scary roller coaster ride!

People struggle with communication in general and I find communication with ex-wives quite tricky, not because they’re monsters but because we let our feelings and emotions be in charge of ourselves.

Every time before I call his ex-wife I get that horrible feeling in my belly but as soon we speak it goes away. My tip is before you talk to his ex-wife put yourself in her shoes, think about what do you want to communicate and why. As a

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step-mum you need to find the right balance so you don’t distance yourself too much and push people away.

In my case it is a work in progress and it’s time to take it to another level.

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Veronika Durham

By

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- 15 Mar 19

There’re things I told her, but don’t tell her often enough. Things I didn’t want to admit, or I’m scared to say. There are things she should know, and I want to tell her soon.

  • I don’t hate you (I may did a little in past, but it had nothing to do with you).
  • I took your side so many times (with him, family or friends), you have no idea.
  • I was jealous of your past together so much it was driving me crazy.
  • I cried so many times because of “you” (you never done anything but I had so much BS in my head).
  • I’ve been helping him to understand you.
  • I’ve never tried to replace you as a mum.
  • I respect you and how you handle being a single mum.
  • Sometimes I’m scared to say or do something because it may upset you.
  • I want you to be truly happy and find the love of your life.
  • I put myself into your shoes all the time (and push him to do the same).
  • I don’t parent your daughter I’m a part of co-parenting.
  • You must be so strong!
  • I wish things were not so awkward.
  • I’m worried about how I’ll feel about your daughter when I’ll have my own child.
  • Do you want to go for a drink?

One extra thing

  • Being a step-mum is a crazy and scary roller coaster ride!

People struggle with communication in general and I find communication with ex-wives quite tricky, not because they’re monsters but because we let our feelings and emotions be in charge of ourselves.

Every time before I call his ex-wife I get that horrible feeling in my belly but as soon we speak it goes away. My tip is before you talk to his ex-wife put yourself in her shoes, think about what do you want to communicate and why. As a step-mum you need to find the right balance so you don’t distance yourself too much and push people away.

In my case it is a work in progress and it’s time to take it to another level.

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Veronika Durham

Step(in)Mum Life & Relationship coach Wife & step mum Breaking Stigma of 2nd Wife, Stepmum & Single dad Dealing with his baggage

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