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Where there is power, there is resistance.

1
”Where there’s power there is resistance” Michel Faucault
Have you ever wondered why your kids kick out so much at putting their socks on in the morning, or why they point blank refuse to brush their teeth, or when it comes to getting dressed, they’d much rather pick their nose and somehow manage to find that kinder egg toy that went missing a year ago?
We often think things like (and I am very guilty of this) ”why are they so ignorant?”, ”they’re so annoying”, ”why wont the listen”, ” they’re doing this just to f**k me off”, ”don’t
SelfishMother.com
2
they know how much we have to get done in the morning,” ”are they stupid!”. I mean, these are just some of the polite phases I have to say about my children in the morning!
But since my daughter started school in 2017, I’ve made some very insightful observations that changed our whole family dynamic. To be honest we were up shit creek when she started. She was a young starter and the whole routine of having to get out on time and in full uniform actually ruined our family! No bull. It was the hardest year of my life. The constant meltdowns about
SelfishMother.com
3
putting the uniform on, getting breakfast, doing teeth/ hair, all getting out on time and arriving at school presentable was the hardest mountain I’ve ever climbed and I’ve climbed lots!!!!
The battles where continuous and even presented themselves at weekends even when the pressure wasn’t on. We were a broken family to say the least!
Once I’d had a breakdown on pretty much all the teachers, one took to the family room where I cried some more, I just couldn’t take this anymore. We were exhausted and all hated each other. And all because of school.
SelfishMother.com
4
But what came out of that meeting was a need to look at our routine. I decided that we needed a visual aid to help my daughter with the tasks she needed to do.
I designed a set of cards with all the aspects of her day and gave them to her to organise. This simple step, was a game changer!
She embraced it like nothing I’ve seen before, she was empowered and managing her own routine. She was independent and logical and was actually running (yes running), to do the next thing on the list! ”Mummy it says I have to do my teeth now” , ”Mummy where are my
SelfishMother.com
5
shoes?”, ”Can I get dressed now?”.
Are you kidding me you’re thinking? No my friends, I am not. This simple pack of cards allowed her to have ownership and autonomy over her own life!
And that is why most kids kick out over the trivial shit, because in their everyday lives, even from very little, they will find their own way of taking control. By refusing to eat, not putting their socks on, wriggling away from you when putting a nappy on!
These are all tools and weapons they have in their fight for power.
My cards worked so well to help address
SelfishMother.com
6
the imbalance of power in our house, I hadn’t realised that, it had all been one way, all she was hearing was ”get dressed”, ”do your homework”, ”turn the TV off”, ”have a bath”, ”go to bed”.
In Zack’s words from Rage Against the Machine, it was time for her to ”Take the power back”.
So last year I set up routineforkids.com which is essentially a pack of cards to empower kids to own their routine. It is a game changer for most families who have power struggles, but also for families who want to offer structure, minimise anxiety about not
SelfishMother.com
7
knowing the plan, but also offer a tool to aid democracy in a family household.
They’re not just a pack of cards, they’re so much more than that. They saved my mental health, my kids happiness and sense of place in the family and most of all bonded us together. I just had to share them, because if there’re families out there, having the same year we had in 2018, then I just hope these cards can help.
Love Carla
SelfishMother.com
carla oxlade

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- 5 Feb 19

“Where there’s power there is resistance” Michel Faucault

Have you ever wondered why your kids kick out so much at putting their socks on in the morning, or why they point blank refuse to brush their teeth, or when it comes to getting dressed, they’d much rather pick their nose and somehow manage to find that kinder egg toy that went missing a year ago?

We often think things like (and I am very guilty of this) “why are they so ignorant?”, “they’re so annoying”, “why wont the listen”, ” they’re doing this just to f**k me off”, “don’t they know how much we have to get done in the morning,” “are they stupid!”. I mean, these are just some of the polite phases I have to say about my children in the morning!

But since my daughter started school in 2017, I’ve made some very insightful observations that changed our whole family dynamic. To be honest we were up shit creek when she started. She was a young starter and the whole routine of having to get out on time and in full uniform actually ruined our family! No bull. It was the hardest year of my life. The constant meltdowns about putting the uniform on, getting breakfast, doing teeth/ hair, all getting out on time and arriving at school presentable was the hardest mountain I’ve ever climbed and I’ve climbed lots!!!!

The battles where continuous and even presented themselves at weekends even when the pressure wasn’t on. We were a broken family to say the least!

Once I’d had a breakdown on pretty much all the teachers, one took to the family room where I cried some more, I just couldn’t take this anymore. We were exhausted and all hated each other. And all because of school. But what came out of that meeting was a need to look at our routine. I decided that we needed a visual aid to help my daughter with the tasks she needed to do.

I designed a set of cards with all the aspects of her day and gave them to her to organise. This simple step, was a game changer!

She embraced it like nothing I’ve seen before, she was empowered and managing her own routine. She was independent and logical and was actually running (yes running), to do the next thing on the list! “Mummy it says I have to do my teeth now” , “Mummy where are my shoes?”, “Can I get dressed now?”.

Are you kidding me you’re thinking? No my friends, I am not. This simple pack of cards allowed her to have ownership and autonomy over her own life!

And that is why most kids kick out over the trivial shit, because in their everyday lives, even from very little, they will find their own way of taking control. By refusing to eat, not putting their socks on, wriggling away from you when putting a nappy on!

These are all tools and weapons they have in their fight for power.

My cards worked so well to help address the imbalance of power in our house, I hadn’t realised that, it had all been one way, all she was hearing was “get dressed”, “do your homework”, “turn the TV off”, “have a bath”, “go to bed”.

In Zack’s words from Rage Against the Machine, it was time for her to “Take the power back”.

So last year I set up routineforkids.com which is essentially a pack of cards to empower kids to own their routine. It is a game changer for most families who have power struggles, but also for families who want to offer structure, minimise anxiety about not knowing the plan, but also offer a tool to aid democracy in a family household.

They’re not just a pack of cards, they’re so much more than that. They saved my mental health, my kids happiness and sense of place in the family and most of all bonded us together. I just had to share them, because if there’re families out there, having the same year we had in 2018, then I just hope these cards can help.

Love Carla

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