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Why I had to ‘press pause’ to enjoy motherhood.

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Why I had to ’Press Pause’ to enjoy Motherhood.

You see, before I had my son – I had it all planned out. I spent my days working hard, hitting the gym, and enjoying the financial freedom that my career gave me. Having just 3 months maternity leave would be a breeze, I would have my son sleeping through the night, and feeding easily, because I had read all the books, and I was great with other people’s kids! (How Naive was I?!)

I didn’t quite plan on giving birth to Postnatal depression as well as an 8lb2oz baby! I felt shocked that this

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immediate rush of love that everyone had spoken of, had chosen to avoid our hospital room, and it didn’t follow me home on our departure.

So I did what we all do, and threw myself into googling how to be a perfect mother. Yet when I met with friends, it seemed that they had it all together. Their kids were sleeping, they got the hang of breastfeeding, and they enjoyed being ’ladies that lunch.’ I watched their natural ability to soothe my crying baby, and wondered why I just couldn’t grasp the magic trick!

Barely healed physically, and most

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definitely still broken mentally, I returned to work and threw myself in deeper than ever before, feeling as if I had to prove that I was still capable of having a career and a child. At work, I knew what I was doing, at the gym- I knew what I was doing, as a mother… I still felt clueless.

At 12 months postpartum, I got my diagnosis, and finally started to admit to myself that I needed to recover. Therapy, medication and honesty, got me to a place where I was able to reassess my priorities. I took a career break, I studied mindfulness, I practiced

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self care, and I spent time with my son. I realised that not everyone did ’have it all together’ and that my lipstick painted ’smile’  had hidden my troubles from those closest to me, just as they, unbeknown to me, had hidden theirs!

Discovering that ’pause button’ has given me the ability to appreciate the smaller moments, to live more in the here and now, and to be kinder to myself. Postnatal depression may have tried to beat me, but me, my husband and my son have come out the other end stronger, and I’ve never been happier!

’Allow

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yourself time to heal, cutting corners only creates more corners’- Emma The Made up Mom 2019.
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- 13 Mar 19

Why I had to ‘Press Pause’ to enjoy Motherhood.

You see, before I had my son – I had it all planned out. I spent my days working hard, hitting the gym, and enjoying the financial freedom that my career gave me. Having just 3 months maternity leave would be a breeze, I would have my son sleeping through the night, and feeding easily, because I had read all the books, and I was great with other people’s kids! (How Naive was I?!)

I didn’t quite plan on giving birth to Postnatal depression as well as an 8lb2oz baby! I felt shocked that this immediate rush of love that everyone had spoken of, had chosen to avoid our hospital room, and it didn’t follow me home on our departure.

So I did what we all do, and threw myself into googling how to be a perfect mother. Yet when I met with friends, it seemed that they had it all together. Their kids were sleeping, they got the hang of breastfeeding, and they enjoyed being ‘ladies that lunch.’ I watched their natural ability to soothe my crying baby, and wondered why I just couldn’t grasp the magic trick!

Barely healed physically, and most definitely still broken mentally, I returned to work and threw myself in deeper than ever before, feeling as if I had to prove that I was still capable of having a career and a child. At work, I knew what I was doing, at the gym- I knew what I was doing, as a mother… I still felt clueless.

At 12 months postpartum, I got my diagnosis, and finally started to admit to myself that I needed to recover. Therapy, medication and honesty, got me to a place where I was able to reassess my priorities. I took a career break, I studied mindfulness, I practiced self care, and I spent time with my son. I realised that not everyone did ‘have it all together’ and that my lipstick painted ‘smile’  had hidden my troubles from those closest to me, just as they, unbeknown to me, had hidden theirs!

Discovering that ‘pause button’ has given me the ability to appreciate the smaller moments, to live more in the here and now, and to be kinder to myself. Postnatal depression may have tried to beat me, but me, my husband and my son have come out the other end stronger, and I’ve never been happier!

‘Allow yourself time to heal, cutting corners only creates more corners’- Emma The Made up Mom 2019.

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Mother of 1, PND and PTSD survivor. Passionate about wellbeing, breaking the stigma, helping others, and a side dose of beauty and makeup. London born and raised in Surrey but appreciative of my Italian heritage. Former career girl and gym bunny simply trying my best to live a balanced life as a mumma and a wife!

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